What mother hood is all about

Yes it was mothers day at the weekend, in the UK and was away until Monday, and came back and my son made me a lovely card, and bought me a book.

In the early years, being a mum it is how to change a nappy without them peeing or poohing on you, and your spouse/partner complains about the stench from your baby’s pooh, and organizing appointments, for vaccines and health checks. Thank the lord that men do get Paternity leave.

Getting up in the early hours, and now my son gets me up out of bed. He will turn off my alarm, put on my light and pull the covers off. They say as they get older, your children become the parent, and is very much true, and can begin, which noone tells you, when they are still a child.

He loves food and is always telling me in advance of what he would like for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and likes me to go to the toilet with him and do bed time story when my eyes are on the floor, due to the early morning wake up call, and tells me to get dressed.

Its about being calm, when your child’s father strips them down before you’ve filled up the bath, for bath time and your child is hysterical, in tears wondering what the hell is going on, and leaving them with your child for the first time, and both of us, wondering which way the nappy should go, and planning, on who is going to do the first feed in the morning, unless breastfeeding as I as a baby never drank from a bottle, and do the late night feed, in the early years.

I love that I get a lot of cuddles, meal times, going out and visiting places and we do a morning walk at the weekends or playing football and rugby, seeing children shows, and seen many at the Polka Theatre in Wimbledon, The Rose Theatre in Kingston and we have gone to the cinema, going on train experiences, because my son loves trains and just have great days out.

We as mums do a lot and thanks to my husband for his help, and my family as they helped a lot, and being a mum you need that, just to adjust and learn. Talking to other mums and going to different children clubs. My son does Swimming at the weekend and has now joined a rugby club and been awarded with medals. It makes all those sleepless nights and early wake up calls, worth it.

So I hope you had a good mother’s day, and next it will be Fathers day.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Another Child kicking off and Another Mum telling him off

So just been for a walk with my son, as he was getting restless and it had stopped raining, and walking back he wanted to go back the way we came, but to have a good walk, I wanted to walk around the park and go the back way home.

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

As he is kicking off, I notice a man watching giving me looks, as he is walking ahead and I am like in my head as I see him whilst I trying to control my son, like “Yes another child kicking off and another mum telling him off, trying to calm him down, so I don’t need you giving me the evils”.

In the end he was fine, and all was okay, but what is it with people like him. He was a kid once, and I get it, some people don’t like kids, or judging because I am yes “I am a mum, with a child who doesn’t want to do as he is told”.

I know I should ignore but I can’t help but say something. I feel that I am speaking for majority of parents here, and that is, “Kids will kick off”.

We can only do our best, but again people forget, kids will express themselves and it wasn’t a really long walk, just enough so my son and I could get some exercise. However In then end it was fine and very quiet, but like that guy, stop judging and giving parents the evils, and never forget you were a kid, and that will be an issue as a parent.

You can’t always please our kids, but parent them so they know that you are only trying to look out for them and not by any means trying to upset them.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Can we be too hard on our kids worrying about eggs on the floor?

This morning it took me a while to start the day on a happy note, I was super grumpy which I think was because of my Menstrual Cycle, and Henry wanted to crack his own egg for breakfast and it went everywhere, but was cleaned up but then he began mucking about and I told him off and did raise my voice which I hate doing, and felt terrible. Kids test us and he did get upset, but I didn’t want egg everywhere and he nearly knocked his scrambled egg with toast off his plate.

I love my son out of this world but I feel often that I am still battling with the unknown, and finding certain situations tough. My son does have real ADHD, and so getting him to sit still can be a task, and eating his breakfast without watching his tablet.

I do give in to make life easier but is that wrong? Should I be a lot harder on him?

We have a lot of fun together and once I came alive everything was good again

Kids test your patience and I know I am not the only mum who almost had egg everywhere, it just cleaning up and I am not a fan of cleaning, but if he had yelled at me like I did to him, I would have told him off for that so not right that I do it and so I need to not get worked up but stay calm.

It takes me a lot to shout but still not an excuse and so I apologised and gave him a hug and a kiss and moved on.

I don’t like to be yelled because it makes me think, “Well I won’t talk to you anymore”, there is never a positive. If he did put his egg everywhere I would have wiped it up and made it again, so it wasn’t really now looking from the outside of this morning , a big deal.

He still ate his breakfast and enjoyed it, he still got dressed, I got his lunch ready for today along with his bag and I did my errands, and packing, as my husband is picking us up to stay in Epsom for a few days as it is my husband’s birthday, and tidied up.

At the moment he moans a lot and is challenging as he didn’t want to go to his holiday club this morning but when he didn’t go he would see the children playing and want to join in and it helps limit his time watching his tablet. Kids need fresh air, and do different activities, and be with other kids and play new and different games and so we go on walks, train journeys and buses, visiting different places local to us and exploring. I do allow him to choose what he’d like to do within reason, but being extra hard to stop the moaning because it can be too much. We play games like matching pairs, that he loved since a baby, snakes and ladders. bowls, tennis, cricket, football and darts, so quite a lot, and hide and seek, but he will tell me where he is, so still learning this one. Yet he will still moan.

I will stop and say “Ok then we won’t play on and his line at the moment, “I will get my own one” and I reply “That is your one so are we going to play or not?”.

I chat with him but not often sure if he is taking it in, but then surprises me. Like when we went out and his crossed the road on his own and safely so he is understanding about these important things, but then will be defiant, but all kids are and kids will put up their guard, and like time and space to understand why he needs to dress himself and go to the toilet without needing assistance, and chop his own food. He will often say “I don’t want to do it myself”, at which I say “Well your not a baby anymore” as he doesn’t like to being called Baba any more and so I will ask “Are you a big boy now?” and he will say yeah and with reductants will do it.

I see Henry’s moaning a phase, like biting his hand which he used to do when he was unhappy or feeling frustrated when he couldn’t properly communicate correctly, or bash his own head and putting his hand down the toilet and wetting, so know that the way my son feels at the moment will change and stop myself from moaning too.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Meeting your kids expectations

Kids are unknown of their have high expectations, like now as a write this blog he is demanding my attention, as he sits next to me at my desk. When tired and he wants me to play football and I would like to be laying on the sofa from getting up so early, I find he will do everything he possibly can to make me want to play football.

They will expect you to deliver the goods to them a lot, like my son wants a real southwest train, yet is impossible, but would like to build him a train looking like one of them. I do not know when this will be done, but is on my list and going to make him his own London Waterloo. When I have done these things I will show you, but now it is in my head and once I get some time to myself as i wanted to write this blog, i need to figure how, and how i should create these items my son desperately wants.

Kids will often change their expectations, example food, one minute my son doesn’t like Bananas but the next he does, he didn’t want Cheerios this morning, but Coco pops, yet he still ate them. Who knows what it will be tomorrow, but then kids are unpredictable at times.

We can as parents have expectations of our kids like now I want Henry to dress himself now rather then relying on me and want to be as independent as possible. I do jump in and help which I think is a natural trait being a mum, but try not too, as he needs to do things for himself.

When it comes to kids and expectants they grow as they grow. Henry wants to do canoing but he needs to learn to swim first so now is having lessons, and soon when he gets a lot older want to make his own way to school.

There will be a time when he won’t rely on me so much and want to go his own way, and so I dote on him because i do worry about having more children, it is something I’d like but the expectation of that makes me fearful but also that it could still be possible. and that’s me setting expectations of my own, and I think we expect ourselves to have the same energy as our kids have but often running empty energy but on a genarator that helps scrape ourselves off the floor to play football for example.

Routine is the key. Henry likes routine and so what I do is set times, one to get myself together, time to get what he needs like his breakfast, dressed and ready for the day. I set time so he plays on his own and I do my own thing for a bit, and then time for us to play together and have fun.

Make it a routine that he has a cut of point of making sure he is ready by quarter to 8 in the morning, and thankfully his dad will help too. I then set a time for me to travel back and have some freshair and get on with work I have to do, and my son expectation is to play before he gets picked up for school.

I like block scheduling as explained above, but have items to grab that my son expects to have when he gets picked up for school and then when returning, time to play and do homework from school.

Often Henry will protest, and I get why, being at school all day he wants to be done with it, but again we as parents expect them to do so. We do have to meet theirs. To do this is to have a schedule for them and for you, and when there are holidays all they want to do is play and play.

Again scheduling and make them understand that we all need time for ourselves aswell as together, and worn then of when they are needed to do their homework, and when they can return and play.

I hope you find these blogs helpful and thank you all that are following me on this blog and a Happy New Year.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Back to school Monday and Co-parenting/Not having to rush

Hello and it is the first day of my son, to go back to school and it means getting the school uniform washed, his school bag packed with his books, coats and snacks. Thankfully because he lives mainly with his dad as its convenience really and I have been unwell with mental health, it is good to be back looking after him, so all his main bits and pieces are there, and when I have a place of my own again, it will be possible for me to take care of Henry fulltime again, to ease the pressure for his father.

Until then now it is getting up early and me taking over from his father until his transport to school turns up, and good to spend some time with him before he treturned back back this morning, and he is has been looking forward to it and kept asking when he will be back at school, and so different from when I used to go to school, it was the last place you wanted to be.

So I had to also sort my bags out for thie morning lastnight, being that I had to get up at the crack of dawn to be there, and I take two bags with me. This is due to being a writer, and if any ideas come into my mind whilst en route, and tomorrow like today I am birthday shopping, as I have two this week, my brothers and my son’s and so still is a mad dash for it.

This means checking the trains and buses of when they are due, and if there is a disruption. I have topped up my Oyster Card and again prepping for a new school week, and so I don’t neccessarily write a list, but keep it in my head and make sure I have a magazine and a book to read to help me take my mind of the fact I have gotten up so early and whilst travelling, and because it is at the time 5am really cold now, I have enough layers on me for the bitterly cold weather.

Then in the week just keeping up with him doing some homework my son has to do, and this week being his birthday, I will be writing a blog on my other The Parenting Adventures blog:

http://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson. wordpress.com

Then it is the Christmas season and planning for that. I find from September to December it goes so fast and keeping up can be overwhelming so I will start planning for Christmas once the birthdays for this months, are over. The actual buying will not be until next month, I just like to prep and have an idea of the gifts I gonna be buying for 2021.

I have filmed a Truth About Parenting video, as I one weekly and so check this weeks out today:

https://youtu.be/00LKy–Fzn8

So have a good week and I will be back with another blog next week.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Looking after yourself as a parent

We as parents can be harsh on ourselves, like today when earlier I took him to park and when it was time to leave, he didn’t want to, and did have a tantrum, and there were some girls who didn’t want to play with him, and so when that happens he then wants to continue to try and be friends, so I took him out of that situation, and other childen can be mean, and so I didn’t want to stop his fun, but some bigger girls came into the park which looked like alcohol and I just felt we had to go, and yes I felt really bad, in doing that, but if Henry could play all day he would, but yet we still would have had to come home, now it gets darker earlier.

This is why it is good to pay us attention as we can forget about ourselves and often don’t give ourselves a break.

It is time we did that, and Take 5, and I have spoken about this a lot on parentng as we need to take care of ourselves to stay on track with life, it that could be taking 5 minutes to make a cup of tea for ourselves, or to have a freshen up for the day, and so the first, tip I want to give is,

Tips1# Set a date with yourself.

So set a time and a day just for yourself and that can be a night out meeting friends and having a social life again, as this can all stop when becoming a parent, but we need that break, and to see different people.

Go to the Cinema, or a theatre show, along with a meal out and just take yourself out on a break.

The next tip I am gonna give to you, is set reward yourself, we do this for our kids but never ourselves but we should, do so,

Tip2# Reward yourself

This can be a jar of cofffee, or a coffee from the coffee shop, rather than making it yourself, or a date with the bath tub with some Epsom salts or gift set which has bath and shower products. I reward myself by doing self care and this time it was a magazine and a coffee in a coffee shop to read the magazine I bought.0

Why not reward yourself with getting a makeover, they used to do this in Boots and I have done this before when gone into Debenhams in Wimbledon and it is nice to have someone else to my makeup for a change.

Tip3# Getting fit and simple parenting fitness

This can be having a kick about with your kids, or have you and your kids follow you in doing a fitness routine, that the whole family can do, like Zumba or yoga, and even going swimming, obviously in this time of year an indoor pool, but is worth it. When I was pregnant with Henry I took up swimming and it was so nice, and a great form of exercise.

Wack on a fitness dvd or put on Youtube and do a workout, and great to do during nap time, if you not able to nap with them.

Tip4# Have a TV binge day

So today I did this watched Match of the day, then a political show and then a David Attenborough type of programme, and whilst my mum looked after Henry, I had time to go back to bed as I was super tired and just needed that extra lay down.

I did this also after being back from popping out myself, binged on TV and watch some cycling races, and then Wallis and Grommit film. It is good to have this type of day, especially when it is cold outside, and I find it super cosy.

So just take time and look after yourself, it is so important and gain back some peace and time to recuperate.

I do also make Youtube videos on parenting so here is a like to my channel and is under The Truth About Parenting:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

School run how it has been better

I thought I would document this as I struggle and get very anxious over the school run and want to let you know about this because it can be a mission getting kids to school. Henry because of his previous school didn’t think he suited it when going up to the third year there, he was referred and now goes to another school he now has a taxi arranged by the local authority to pick him up to take him to and from school.

It did take a while for this to be sorted out, but now it has been done and I do feel a lot better. I hope you don’t see this as selfish but it was his previous school who made it clear they wanted him to change so we did, and had to contact an outside travel service and didn’t realise it was not straight forward when it came to the transport to his new school.

I do feel that his previous school had let us down as they initially said that Henry would be helped and thrive in their open evening but not the case. For the first week and two days, I had to take him by local transport and called a taxi and turned up first time fine, but the other one didn’t turn up and so had to get two buses and a real mission.

Now we get help in getting our son to school has been a Godsend and thankful that Henry hasn’t had a meltdown about it and loves it.

So if you can get help in getting your kids to school then find out about it, especially if like my situation it means paying a lot on travel and it just another thing you don’t have to worry about and just being their for when he is picked up and then dropped back, helps take the pressure from it.

If you can get help then take it. I know I chose to be a parent, but that should not have anything to do with it and as parents getting a bit of support in whatever area you find a struggle then take them up on it, making sure it is safe to do so.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

When kids are driving you mad!

You have one kid wanting ice cream, another wanting a choc ice and one that wants a lolly. They may moan that they want the same as another sibling or another child and they want you to stop working and play.

Sometimes it is impossible to please all children as they are all different and so they decide themselves of what they want and actually they are saying “I want to be equal”. That is possible but when kids have strops its them being a kid and being definant.

Am I saying that this isn’t bad behaviour?

No, they need to learn communication and how to speak to other adults and kids in a kindly manner, but kids do come with hazards, like Wining, stamping their foot and one sentence my son says now and that is “I am not listening”. So say to them “Kind words” and “I am not listening too” and when I ignore him, he will then be the one who comes over to me to be sweet again.

You do have to stand your ground and let them know if they are crossing bad boundaries and you like “Polite children” but don’t go on and on about it. As I get fed up of people saying the same thing, but with a kids it may need to be repeated for them to get how they should communicate and how to still express themselves.

Kids will pick up bad behaviour at school and he has been spending time in a class where all the difficult kids go to prevent kids who aren’t separated. but for me that method is wrong. All kids should be included and be a cause of a child playing up. Remember kids still have feelings and emotions and for me is putting out a bad message to kids. You can badly bahave and we will segrigate you with other kids who play up and you get to play still but away from good behaved kids.

Even writing that I shake my head as kids learn from both type of kids and its learning how to be with other kids for when they build relations when they are older. For me it is encouraging bad behaviour not stopping it.

Remember the strops and shouting will stop and can be avoided if they see good behaved children and being a role model myself.

I want Henry to have a wonderful childhood filled with good memories and fun, but not encourage when they drive you up the wall.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

The Truth About Parenting

Hello and welcome! So it is Saturday and I have got up early to start work and wanted to write this post which I think looking at the title I have written before, but that is fine. It is good to go back to prevous posts as life does change and so many things like my parenting skills have changed and grown too.

The Truth About Parenting I think is going to be a potential book idea, but want this to be a regular feature for my Parenting blog.

Here is a Youtube video I have done. The first one for a while on being a parent and is an intro video to this regular Parenting theme.

There are lots of things that you don’t get told when you become a parent and part of you thinks that it should come naturally but for some it does not.

Parenting is a life changing event and can turn your world up side down. I love my son, but a lot of it baffled me at times, and would say “How do I deal with this?” as my son has a meltdowns when I have taken him shopping and grabbed items of the shelves, making a load of tins and jars fall on the floor. It is an entire new world, one that I struggled with at times, but I have gotten through it, and I hope with my blog posts and videos I can help you too, if you have struggled being a parent for the first time.

So enjoy watching and many thanks for following me on this blog site, it does mean the world to me, and many thanks for reading,

Carrie (L.M) X

P.S: I do have a dedicated Pinterest board on my Parenting posts so go and check it out:

https://www.pinterest.com/carriesblognetwork/

Teaching kids about bullying and abuse

I think in this day and age that any act such as bullying and abuse carried out, should be looked into immediately and investigated, because it still does go on and I remember when working in the nursery in Wimbledon, when we had what was known as a “Peanut Drill”, that someone was trying to get in.

I was absolutely shitting myself, and tried to keep myself calm, but getting all the kids together without a fuss became a difficult task, and I couldn’t help but panic and the children were hysterical.

People who do this kind of act aren’t worth the blood they were born with, and as far as I am concerned, is the worst thing a person can do and they have no remorse at all.

It makes me see that abusing a child aswell as bullying can be hidden in families and you wouldn’t even know it, and yes they should all be locked up with the key thrown away and given life.

If they take a life they should get life and I am going to fight for it and have all Paedophiles nicked and given life with no rights at all.

My dad could bully me, but he never abused me and I do miss him so much. I am sad I never got to see him before he died and I am gutted about that, I thought he was against me too, but he was just angry.

He taught me how to fight back and yes, I did, and I will continue to fight for children’s rights and stop all abuse and bullying from happening and it is tricky and often controversial topic, but I feel I want to talk about it, as I would like victims of these kind of acts to tell their stories to help others do so aswell.

All kids who have lost their lives I want a monument built and all the names of kids that have died due to abuse in memory of them all, be called “The Angels of Heaven” and have their names on it.

Once a child’s life has been taken you can’t bring them back and yes it causes suicide too, and I felt that a lot this year and is not good when you hit rock bottom. I did take an overdose last Christmas, and I yes my son didn’t know what was going on, but I literally took 3 to 4 Diazepanes in one go. I was a complete mess.

Abuse and bullying can turn a happy go lucking child into a mess and is so soul destroying that it can cause hurt to an entire family, and those who I felt were there to look out for me weren’t and yes it has changed who I am, and it can make a child feel like that too.

If you are abused remember you can always called Childline and they will act straight away.

Those who laugh about it when doing an act of bullying or abuse aren’t human, they are animals and cowards and need to be taught that if you do this, then you need to do the time for doing the crime, and yes all schools, kids clubs, nurseries and playgroups should have a Safeguarding officer to stop it or a welfare office, which I would like to do one day and get it kicked put.

Stay Safe, Be Strong.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X