I have created my first Newsletter which is talking about challenges I am going to be doing and how they benefit in doing, and is the first one for 2022.
So, check these out and there is more to come on this blog site and if you haven’t checked out my Youtube channels then please do as a do videos Truth About Parenting videos and channel about how i like to live and a free educational youtube channel too, teaching and talking about Customer Service, writing a blog and coaching.
So, it is another day of Lockdown and Henry has been with his dad, but we did get to spend some time together, and as soon as we see each other, we give eachother the most out of this world hug to the point I could hug him all day.
Kids need love in their lives, so they can give it to others too, and be kind to other people.
Teaching kids love is teaching them to be respectful to their friends and others, and to love themselves too.
As a kid it was perceived when I was a kid, to some wrong to love yourself.
There are kids who need extra love as they can be very insecure from early on than what we think, and I bet due to COVID and Lockdown, they have no idea as what is happening and somewhat confused, so this is where we should be loving our kids through and through, because it I think they know something is happening but not sure what.
Teaching kids about Love is important for their upbringing because it should never be used just for the sake of it off, and often I can be target number one if my son can’t have his tablet or watch Tipping Point as parents, becaue we are the closest person to aim at. I know this is not really aimed at me, but is him telling me he doesn’t get it when he can’t have those things.
I see in his face, if he is wondering if he is being punished in some way, and I try to reassure him that I know he wants these items, because they are important to him, and that is isn’t due to him doing anything wrong, but these items need charging or TV programmes are scheduled for certain times of the day, but once his tablet is charged or it is the time of day, for when his TV show is on, then he can have them still.
I do try to not get cross when I see why he is kicking off, because often it is frustration, because he understands but now feels lost without the daily toys he likes to play with. My son really struggles when he is being told or being explained to as to why he can’t have something, and it breaks my heart when I can see that he isn’t understanding.
Kids from an early age can struggle with their emotions and so, they should be valued and listened too. Never cut them up, or stopped from speaking. It is their right to do so. As soon as you shut a kid down, it makes them feel self conscious and not important, which they are.
Words aren’t just words when it comes to kids, as when they say something it is meant and should always be allowed to express themselves.
Henry, is such an emotional child, like I was and his father, that I am self aware of how I communicate to him and that I am here to listen, not judge as that can really cause friction between a child and a parent, but just listen.
Once you’ve listened then ask questions such as “What would make it better?” or ” What would you like to do that would help?”, “What would you like me to do, to help you?”
Since becoming a parent I have learned so much about life and love from him, and my nieces, than I have from other adults at times, because when you see things from their eyes, they look at life as a whole. Henry loved the outdoors as a kid, and to him lots of things fascinated him. Trains, Buses, Helicopters and Planes. To him they were amazing items and on the way to school we would often need to leave extra early so he could enjoy his surroundings as much as possible. To him those things are his loves aswell as me and his father, and I never ever want to destroy that. Love between me and him I see is important to him. His Cousins and school friends, and teachers are what helps me and him look forward to each day.
Love should be shown all the time, and never be forgotten. Stay Safe and Stay Strong. I am putting together a Child Safety/Child Protection Course, on my Education Network, so once this has finished I will let you know.
To keep up to date of all my blog posts on this site, please click the follow option below.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie (L.M) X
P.S: I am putting together a Programme for this year, and it is called Project 2021, and will include a load of Life Coaching Tools and Information, so please see link for details:
To help our kids get the most out of Christmas it is good to have family traditions, like my family have had, example: anyone over the age of 21 don’t receive gifts from my Uncle and Aunties anyone, but will buy a gift for the kids in the family, and as a kid it was traditional for my Grandad Skinner to slice the Turkey, and we as kids were allowed a Snowball, which is Advocate and Lemonade and to give it an extra kick add in a piece of lime or lime juice and a sweet cherry.
Kids should have tradtions that they can continue on to their own children they may have one day.
I now go for a walk every Christmas Day and Boxing Day, or would go for a run, as I would take a break from Running and start up again on Christmas day.
I am still going to have snowball this year and will be buying the little bottles, and add a bit of ice as it can become warm.
You can add in traditions of making your kids Advent Calendars rather them buying one. I did this for my son Henry last year, and still got to do some of the activities I included in it.
All you need to do this, is get a unit which you can pull out boxes or I used a reuseable cardboard box, got some little boxes from Amazon and put in little toys from Christmas Crackers my mum had with some bits purchased from Poundland and some chocolate included.
My son, Henry loved this and will do this again as it is good to have a tradition where you make them their Advent Calendar and they make their own Christmas cards.
As a kid one of us Grandchildren would be the one helping my Grandad distribute the gifts to each person who was there, and then the adults would play a card game after Dinner was finished.
We would sit down and watch some good Christmas TV, and Uncle Bark and Uncle Corby would often have a Christmas show, along with Morecombe and Wise and Cannon and Ball and Comedies like Only Fools and Horses, some mothers do have ’em and TV shows like Top Of The Pops, to see who would be Christmas number 1. Their was the Horse Guards Parade, in which Her Royal Highness, Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II would attend, along with other members of the Royal Family.
I have a feeling I went to this, as this would be held near my Nan Skinners, in the Earls Court Arena, but not sure.
They were often Royal Horses in this show, at which my Auntie Fai new well as she would look after the Queen Horses in her younger years, alongside The Duchess of York’s Father.
We would go to the pub before going to my Nans, along with my Uncle and Aunties, and then we would go to my nans before they got back. My Dad had quite a few by the time he got back to have dinner at my Nans, and often got into a debate over football.
If you want a good family Christmas don’t talk about football.
Then on Boxing Day we would go to my Nanny Roses as this was her birthday, and would have drink in the Bedford first. My Nan Roses drink was a Gin and Tonic (G ‘n’T), and had a cabinet with this in and noone was allowed to go near it. It was her secret stash and wanted it to be kept that way.
So kids and family traditions do mix and is a good combination as they will tend to follow it on and have more happy Christmases to come.
I want to write about this as, because living on a housing estate it went on a lot, and it is the most soul destroying thing you can ever experienced.Â
There are angels in heaven that have been abused and killed, and it can devastating to everyone involved. It is soul destroying and can take over your childhood.Â
No child should be made to feel like can’t have a life, as every child deserves to have a childhood that is filled with fun and happy memories and I want to make sure that every child in the world is protected.
I am going to campaign for all Paedophiles and rapist, to be punished and be given life and spend their life in jail, with no rights.
How can you sense that a child is being abused:
Body language
·      If they are quiet not playing with other kids
·      If they have bruising near their private areas, arms and legs
·      If they are bleeding from the bottom
·      If they have any discharge
·      If they start to abuse other kids
·      If they are argumentative, disruptive and aggressive to others
·      Withdrawn
Â
What are the signs of an abuser?
·      Grooming a kid to try and to see the child privately
·      Taking inappropriate photos of children
·      Asking inappropriate questions
·      Breaching Data Protection
·      Seeing an adult whisper in a child’s ear
·      Treating a child differently toÂ
If you know of a child being abused or you are a child, teenager reading this, then contact Childline.
Please do teach kids about not talking to strangers. The thing about those who abuse kids, they come in all different shapes and sizes. In the 80’s they did do adverts about this and be careful about sharing details online on social media pages, as pictures of kids can be temptation for Paedophiles.
I do think they should do another advert about talking to strangers including talking to strangers online and sharing too much information.
One thing I would take out from social media sites is areas where they ask you to share your location, and can be seen by anybody.
We need to be sensible when it comes to this because we don’t want our children’s information being breeched by those who carry out these crimes.
Those who abuse and rape children, may not have previous, because the hardest thing is proving it, and there are those who make it up, which makes it difficult for those who have actually been abused as a child, and many will be too scared to say anything and so it can be difficult to track it down.Â
Doing a CRB or DBS check is one way, but as said many don’t have previous convictions, so it is still hard to track down, and be stopped.Â
I am in the process of developing a Child Safety online course and so once it has been completed I will let you know.Â
For now though lets keep our kids safe and stay strong, and have a good week ahead.Â
Before I end this blog post I would like to tell you about my fundraiser I am doing again this year as I like to do this every year, as we get nearer to Christmas, and I am raising money for the Charity Tommy’s who support parents whom have experienced Stillbirths and Premature births. Here is the link to my site below:
We tell our kids not to lie, yet we lie to our kids every year.
I was inspired by a friend who said exactly this on Facebook, because she was confused as a child at Christmas because like I was told, NEVER TO LIE BECAUSE IT IS WRONG, we lie to our kids every year around this time.
The story behind Father Christmas came from a man some years and years ago, called St Nicholas who wanted to give children gifts in his local neighbourhood, but it still came from someones imagination and fantasy, to develop the story of Christmas and make Santa the man he is today.
HE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER ASWELL AS THE TOOTH FAIRY, WHO CAN GET AWAY WITH BREAKING INTO FAMILY HOMES AT NIGHT, HAVE FREE MILK OR PERHAPS A GLASS OF SHERRY AND A MINCE PIE, LEAVES GIFTS, HAS A SET OF REINDEER ON THE ROOF AND ONLY WORKS ONE TIME OF THE YEAR!
GOOD OLD SANTA CLAUS IS LIVING THE LIFE!
Here is a great video on Youtube that you can share with your children, sharing The Story of Santa Claus.
Keeping the fantasy of Christmas alive is a great way to help our children with many skills and encourage them to learn as they have fun:
Helps use their brain and imagination to create good and positive things, and everlasting memories
This in turn can help with their writing skills and concentration
Learn life skills by helping with the Christmas food, errands and tiding
To give to others less fortunate than them, and share their love and learn about love
Reading and making new discoveries
Taking turns, thinking, making good choices and working as a team, when playing festive games or sharing toys, building Lego for example
Social skills and having lots and lots of fun
We mustn’t forget even if you are not religious the real truth behind why we celebrate Christmas and what it is about, so they can make up their own mind if they wish to believe it or not.
If you don’t want to give them a bible then tell them briefly:
“It started a long time ago before you were born, a little boy called Jesus was born in Bethlehem and were given gifts by three kings and was the son of God.
There are many illustrations now that has information about the real story of Christmas, see link:
The one thing that has worn thin with my son and from saying it to other children,
“If you are not good Santa won’t be coming this year”.
My niece even gave me a look as to say:
Without even saying a word.
They no for a fact that this isn’t going to happen, because REALLY! ARE YOU GOING TO NOT LET THAT CHILD OPEN A GIFT WHEN THEIR SIBLING IS? CAUSE NOT, WHY? BECAUSE GUILT SETS IN AND OF COURSE ITS CHRISTMAS A TIME OF GOODNESS AND CHEER, NOT MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE!
Learning the triggers of a tantrum can help detonate them and stop them. Triggers:
Crossed arms
Look of defiance
Straight wide open eyes
Selective hearing, “Pretending that they can’t hear you when you know they can and did hear what you said but carries on as if nothing was said”
Turn their back
Stamp their feet
Bite their hand in frustration
Pull at their hair
Turn limp as if suddenly they body had gone floppy grounded to a halt, so even if you try to pick them up, you can’t and they are alive and well, but won’t move and inch
Detonate:
Grab their attention immediately to something else that you know will keep them happy and you, before they can start making a fuss. I do this when out and having a coffee if there is a dog for example as often Henry won’t leave them alone or want to leave the shop, I will take his hand, put his coat on at the door, go outside and instantly he has forgotten about the dog
Kids will often do the opposite to what you expect and you can do the same when they look like they are going to kick off. Now if Henry begins to chuck stuff around, I will not make conversation, because usually that’s what he wants and can make things worse, and then I can end up having a tantrum too, but calmly pick up the cushions, not making eye contact and continue on with what I was doing,without paying him any attention. He will then, either start to do something more constructive or come over to me looking foolish and as if to say “Why aren’t you saying anything or watching me?” and calm down. I know they say, and I have watched Super Nanny not to do this because it is ignorant parenting, but what I have learned is that kids love it AS MY SON WILL USUALLY LAUGH WHEN I HAVE DONE THIS, when you threaten to take their toy away or taken them to their room with gritted teeth, because they can see it as a signal to cause more mayhem. So when I don’t speak or make eye contact, concentrate my focus elsewhere, he will then come over to me, so he stops causing havoc so then I have gotten him to stop without saying a word, grabbed my attention, and then I will say “Have we finished? Are you ready to behave?” and then he is ready to listen and be good for the rest of the day
If they don’t want to take turns or they like my son did the other day when we were playing connect 4 rush trying to put a counter one by one before I have had a go, I will take it out of his hand or “STOP DEAD” and saying clearly, “I’m going to have my go and then you can go next” “Remember its my turn”. You do have to control your voice which I am trying my hardest to do, as kids will test you, but LAY DOWN THE RULES. They have to make it fair because you don’t want them being excluded by children playing games because they aren’t giving other children a chance
Christmas is a time of cheer but also a time for many kids to destroy rooms and toys, and “ANOTHER LITTLE WHITE LIE” and to help remember those Elfs you have around your home this time of the year, use them with a a sign say “BE GOOD OR I WILL BE GONE” and read it out to them so it is clear that if they aren’t good, the good old Elf will say goodbye EARLY.
So I hope this has helped, please make sure you check my other posts on this site and my posts on the links below, and I will blog again tomorrow:
Hello everyone, it is Friday yay and before I start this post I just want to let you now that I have already posted a blog today for BLOGMAS DAY 6 on my main site https://www.carriesrealworld.com
If you are like me and love planners, I love a good picture or video about planners that people have shared, then you will like my blog post today on Carries Realworld about my Work Planner for 2019.
I would also like to share an article (linked below) that I came across on my WordPress news feed, and if you are blog writer too and need some inspiration for posts I would always recommend you check the news feeds that come up as they often have some great news ideas and topics that may be of interest of you.
The article below is a about how a mum who made a Sensory Cushion for her son who has Autism out of bean bags, because he would get very anxious and helps to keep him calm. Honestly truly amazing and shows how the simplest of  hacks like this can make such an impact and now will help other parents and children too, see below:
What to do when kids try to push boundaries because they can’t have what they want!
I know for a fact from seeing other children in my life grow up that there are many mums who have experienced these dilemmas and have been mind boggled as to what to do.
Please do not feel I am being negative about parenting because I am not. I love my son to bits but there are times when I have felt utterly helpless and want to shout “HELLO IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP ME?” and that is one reason why I wanted to write this blog.
I got the idea for this blog because my son today who is off from school because I had to pick him up from school on Wednesday because I wanted to watch something I wanted on the TV instead of him. I had been up early doing some training and whilst he was supposed to be eating his breakfast wanted to make it clear that he wanted football.
He was chucking some magnetic lightweight thankfully letters from his easel, he was jumping on me wanting to give me kisses, which I know it seems like “What how is that disruptive?” because he was literally slobbering me to the point, sorry for TMI but the point of this blog is being truthful, where I was smothered with saliva.
He thinks this is funny because I am going “Errr that’s disgusting stop” as I don’t like to shout or think he can’t express himself and if I keep telling him to stop calmly and not get angry he will stop without me getting cross. In the end the though I sternly said “I am going to watch my programme and then when I am finished then you can watch what you want”.
I MEAN HOW MANY TIMES CAN SOMEONE WATCH MATCH OF THE DAY IN ONE SITTING!
I love my football but we all need a change sometimes.
When he saw that I was making it clear and he wasn’t going to get his way, he did try for a little bit more to be disruptive by jumping and messing around chucking the cushions on our sofa. Then because he saw that I wasn’t going to give in, he eventually gave up and I was able to finish watching a full episode of The Apprentice.
Children will try to push boundaries that’s part of how they learn what is right and what is wrong.
Nevertheless they need to know that they can’t always have what they want, when they want.
This in turn helps them to form good relationships with others at home and outside. After all everyone should be respected.
To give people time and space
Take turns and share
To help make them make the right choices and not push boundaries is to,
however much they try to be disruptive and kick off, grab the remote control or hide it they need to wait and that everyone has the right to have TV time too. For example.
Its not always about them. Yes kids should come first when it comes to life decisions, but at the same time you have to make it fair for everyone, yourself included.
Show them that playing on your own whilst mummy makes dinner can be fun too aswell as playing with others.
When Henry started throwing the letters from is easel when being told a few times,
I gave him the chance to see if he would make the correct choice by repeating and making it clear that what he was doing wasn’t good before giving him consequences of what was going to happen if he continued.
This did make him stop and think, but he continued so I followed through what I would do, which was put all the letters in the container they were in and took them all the way and this made him stop again and see that “This is what happens when you do wrong and now I have blown my fun”.
When it comes to kids pushing boundaries and getting kids to behave. You may have to repeat yourself a few times for them to grind to a halt and stop.
You do have to be strong, Henry has sometimes when he hasn’t gotten his way turned aggressive by hitting, he used to bite and pinch which I hope I am not jinking, hasn’t done any biting or pinching for ages, and he often will bite his hand in frustration.
so in following on from my first tip,
HOLD YOUR OWN.
That isn’t being unkind or or that they shouldn’t have any control, its so they understand that you are the parent and they need to listen and that you have rules and if they do want something they have to be respectful and kind. When they have listened and not pushed any boundaries by being disruptive then they can have a chocolate or their TV programme on.
Teaching patience helps them understand not to push boundaries and will again help them later on in life and building relationships with others.
***
During Christmas when kids are playing with their new toys, I bet you that there will be that one child if you have a houseful this Christmas will try to take a toy from another child who is happily playing in their own world and then that child who’s toy has been taken, will then begin to kick off too.
Sharing, doing joint activities where they have to take turns, is the key to getting kids to understand about boundaries because if you have 4 children for example and one child gets to play with a scooter when they other kids can’t, obviously depending on age it can cause friction and jealousy.
Give each kid time with each toy, and have a timer. Once the timer has gone, then it is time to swap.
To help my son at school transition from one activity to another they use this timing system and I implement this at home too.
If a child still continues to take a toy away from another child, let them know and what helps with me now is getting on my knees so I am eye level with Henry and say “That is not how we share and what you are going to do, is give that back and then when they are finished with that toy, then you can have a turn at playing and fun with it aswell” and encourage them to go over give the toy back by taking them to that other child and have them say “Sorry”.
If they refuse then you say “I am going to take this toy from you and give it back and you will no longer play” and this where timeout or making them be on their just for a few moment or 5 minutes or so, to let them think about what just happened.
This not only helps with boundaries but with fixing relationships too and admitting and being truthful that they were wrong in their actions. I have done the whole thing of asking “Would you like it if I took your toy away from you?” but Henry has not said the answer I want and said “Yeah”.
DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK BUT YOU CAN TRY IT AS SOME CHILDREN WILL RESPOND THESE QUESTIONS AND SAY “no”.
Boundaries can be fixed but the more they teach about when crossing a boundary is wrong the more it will help them to be the good person they want to be and in turn helps them with their wellbeing.
If you child does become unbearable to the point you feel that it is your fault and feel you have tried to stop him, but you have no control, don’t beat yourself up. Boundaries pushed or they have completely crossed the line, they can always be fixed and all kids at some point will try to do the same.
I have had bad reports at school and felt that I am some what to blame and felt like “I am trying but not getting it quite right” but children do make up their own minds and choices, and however much we say “Stop” or “Don’t” they will still try.
As said in many blogs, you have to persevere, be consistent and try to be on the same page with your school and make sure they are on the same page as you and their behaviour can be fixed.
Also many kids without being shown will in some way find their own way if someone else has pushed boundaries and upset them to fight back. It may be the wrong way, but its how they learn how to take control of negative behaviour towards them.
When we upset people, we can often feel upset to because we feel guilt, foolishness and “I’m such a terrible person”, “I should have done this and that” but we are only human at the end of the day and it still important that we let someone know that we aren’t happy about something.
If there is an argument or a a disagreement between two or more children, then stay calm and separate them into a different space and let them know what you are going to do and what is going to happen without trying to lose patience so you end up kicking off too, so then you feel bad and “A naughty child”, and allow them to think it through.
I know this may sound easier said then done, but when you take one child into their room or a corner or area, and another in another space. If you speak to them whilst they aren’t kicking off, you won’t always get a clear response and it all starts up again.
Speak to them calmly if not together one at a time and one thing I am trying not to do, is do this in front of others. The reason being I didn’t like it as a child and when an adult would shout at another adult in front of others, you can end up with them being even more disrespectful because they have now been humiliated in front of everyone and made to feel bad.
When telling a child off or anyone, you don’t need an audience to do it.
Go through points, example “So she wouldn’t let you play with the Barbie is that right and she called you a name? Okay” and then go through the same with the other child and then if you need time to think it through then do so. I good way of doing this is to say “Right you will both read a book or you can watch your tablets for 5-10 minutes why I help to both figure a solution”.
If you are out in the shops then you can’t always separate so you can say “Right we aren’t going to continue until this stops because you are both getting angry and this in turn is stopping me from getting bits for dinner because you are both arguing, so we aren’t going to say another word until we have finished shopping and then when we get home we can discuss it further”.
When kids are arguing someone is kicking off because they can’t have that chocolate bar it can cause embarrassment and negative thoughts to you, and then you can’t often concentrate, so getting them to focus and help you because they need to understand that this isn’t about them at the moment, helps them understand that at times a chocolate bar or a toy isn’t so important right now and its time to help me “Mummy” for example.
I never want my son to feel that he can’t say how he feels and not take control, because again it is part of how he will learn to be independent. Nevertheless when it comes down to it he needs to learn to behave properly for his own sake, not to push boundaries that will disrupt other people and upset them, and be someone as he is very sociable most of the time and very friendly, to grow as a person even further to continue to form good friendships and gain respect from others himself.
teach them about team work and life skills. My son loves to make his own sandwich now and because he has taken the time to make it himself. He will now eat the whole thing without a fuss and without suddenly mucking about putting jam all over the sofa and walls.
Team work and life skills are so important, and when they work as a team they will often make the effort to then share. Team work after all is sharing. Doing puzzles, Crafting and Cooking or even playing a sport is a great way to do that
it teaches children to work together effectively, communicate and support one another and learn when not to cross a boundary that will effect his relationship and morale of the team.
If they make something they are likely to respect it and take care of it better and show them images from books, flashcards or cartoons of when someone is doing something good, or “This is how we eat nicely at the table because when we don’t eat nicely or wait for people to finish their meal at the dinner table before we begin to get up, makes us all happy and then we can have some playtime afterwards”.
So I hope these tips and tricks help you and your kids to have a great Christmas without having tantrums and arguments as much as possible and I will be posting more and more in the days to come for Blogmas. There will be another post on one of my websites tomorrow, so keep checking my sites below for further details.
You can keep up to date with all my Blogs that I have and will be posting during BLOGMAS by following me on WordPress.com and carriesrealworld. Please see my other sites below:
Hi all I hope Saturday is going well for you so far. This year I am doing Blogmas, so as of tomorrow I will be posting a blog everyday on either of my various sites, including this one up until Christmas day (25th Dec).
It is going to be tough but I really wanted to do this as I still got so many things I would like to share before Christmas and before the end of the year.
If there is a topic you would like me to post or there is a favourite topic I have already shared but you would like me to post more of then please let me know. Any suggestions can be left in the comments section below.
You can keep up to date on all my blogs by following me on WordPress.com.
I also have a Pinterest page and social media, where I share many things on these too. Please see the links to these below:
I realised after thinking about my blogs I write on this site, that I don’t think I have ever covered the subject of Premature birth, even though Henry was a Premature baby.
As it was Henry’s birthday last week and bought back some memories as it does every year, thought I would talk about having a premature baby now, and some information which you may not have known prior to having a baby.
Having a Premature baby can be a massive shock, of course it can be the same for full term babies, but I honestly had no idea that Henry was going to be born early. I had come to the conclusion in my head that Henry would be born as planned in January 2014, not in November 2013, and I remember coming across a article in a mother and baby magazine about the subject of premature births and thought “I don’t need to read that it will be okay” and really felt bad about that afterwards, when Henry was born at 31 weeks.
I really wished I hadn’t be so dismissive and read the article because  I think from my own opinion and what I have learned since this happened, you should be some what prepared should it happen because it is more common premature births than what you may think.
My waters broke on the Saturday the 9th November and even when that happened until looking back I hadn’t realised that it was my actual waters breaking. It hadn’t occurred to me, not having a baby before and thought it was too early.
I was about to watch the new series of Dracula at 9pm and suddenly all this water started pouring out of me like a massive tidal wave. I had no idea as to what to do, and so found my paper work that hospital gave me should anything happen like serious pains or bleeding, but nothing about what to do if your waters broke early than expected. I called the number on the sheet anyway but it was a messaging service and then called my mum.
In the end as we live luckily live just around the corner from our local hospital, rushed around their and went to the delivery ward.
I got to say from the moment we reached the delivery ward they took action and were brilliant. I had no idea as to what was going on, and was very distressed because I didn’t know if I was going to lose my baby or if I would suddenly give birth. NO IDEA!
I ended up being transferred to another hospital because our local one doesn’t deliver babies before 34 weeks and they thought that the babies head was engaged and so could possibly give birth.
That didn’t happen and the nurses at our local hospital got that wrong, but I still glad they did what they did. When we got to the other hospital my blood sugar level was going up and up, and apparently my heart rate was going berserk too.
In the end by early hours of Monday, once the hospital staff at the other hospital saw that Henry’s heart rate kept dropping, decided that he should be born and was born by C Section at 1:30am at 31 weeks.
Apparently before this I was contracting and only felt one thing, and that was a tightening in my stomach from my ribs down to my tummy. I am still to this day sure if this was an contraction because not having one before I had and still have no idea really as to what one is like, so still not sure if I felt the contractions or not but apparently they were happening.
I know someone wrote an article about how C Sections is a lazy form of child birth but let me tell you, SO TOTALLY WRONG. The decision of having my son, Henry at that time was taken out of my hands and I could see how ever much it was distressing at the time for me, that the staff I could see had mine and the babies best interests at heart and wanted Henry to be born with as little problems as possible.
As far as I am concerned it was the best decision, because they discovered when they had delivered Henry that he got caught with the umbilical cord around his neck and that’s why he was a getting distressed and why his heart rate was dropping.
Never feel bad about which way your baby was born especially by Cesarean because you do what you have to do, and if it saves you and the baby’s life what is more important?
Some other things you may not have known:
Your waters can break from usually 26 weeks and you have sacks around the sack with the baby in, which can leak and that is what happened in my case as in the end my son’s wasn’t engaged but something caused the sack to leak and they gave me antibiotics as soon as they saw what was happening and once you are open downstairs, because the sack has leaked it means that you can catch an infection up your vagina which in turn can effect you and the baby. Check out this article on NHS which has further details: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/premature-early-labour/ and Tommys.org too
Anyone even healthy people can get Gestational diabetes which was in my case and this can rise rapidly when pregnant, so do get tested if they send you to do a Oral Glucose Intolerance Test do it and if you are concerned do speak with your health professional, doctor or midwife about it. Once Henry was born though my blood sugar levels returned to normal, so please try not to freak out.
Once your baby is born sorry to inform you but this is a warning as I wasn’t aware until I had it and wish I had, but I ended up having Piles and I know another mum did too. Very, very painful, but check with your health advisor, midwife or doctor as there are creams and medication. Check before you buy, because some oral medications may not a be able to be taken if you are breastfeeding.
Babies make a lot of noise, more than you can expect. Neither myself or my husband knew this, and the first night we bought Henry home neither of us got much sleep as we were not prepared for that at all, and they can do this thing where they hold their breath and then breath again. Very scary but you do get used to it, and if you ever are concerned do please speak to your health visitor.
Getting your boobs ready for producing milk can be hard work, but once you get used to it, it can become easier and if I were to do it again, I would have seeked out breastfeeding counselling, which does exist as it can stress you out and you can feel defeated when you see other mums producing a cup fall when you can’t produce a single drop. Massaging and using a warm flannel to help warm up your boobs, can help. Always use an electrical express pump not a manual, as it can take a very long time.
If they tell you that you need to express 8 to 12 times a day, please don’t feel you need to follow exactly that, because a lot of that is what they have been advised to tell you and because that is the guide line. When I didn’t and rested as that is so important too, get rest and sleep, I produced a lot more milk compared to when I did do it that amount of times with little sleep.
Get your hospital bag ready as soon as you hit the 25 week mark as I didn’t and it was a massive rush in the end, and one item that I never listed but would advise you to do so, is to have coldsore and moisturizer, because hospitals can be very dry places and if you are prone to coldsores, then the chances are you may get one. which in turn in my case I couldn’t visit Henry for about a week until it had cleared because of course in the neonatal ward there are other babies and they can if not careful can easily get infected.
The neonatal ward can be a very intense and distressing place as when your baby is born premature, from that point forward you have no idea what will happen from each day to the next. Sorry to be abrupt but it is true and so my advice take a deep breath and if you need to have time to be on your own take the time, but it is important you see your baby because your baby will recognise your voice and when you hold them for the first time and they hold your finger helps you bond with your baby, and get to know them.
The monitoring screens and wires attached to your baby can play tricks with your mind and there was one day where I was watching it like a hawk. My advice block them out and if your baby looks peaceful and okay, then they are okay and if you have any questions for the neonatal staff, ask because they will give you a peace of mind and reassurance, which often is what we need.
The bath technique can kill your arm as even when they are tiny they wriggle and can wince, and once home you can often find your own technique. Take your time and again if you need help from the neonatal staff whilst your child is there that is a great opportunity to ask any questions and raise any concerns you have.
One advantage about having a child in the special care baby unit, which really noone if truth were to be told, would really ever want to be in, the staff help prepare you more for when it is time to take your baby home, and you can in our case, spend the night in the neonatal ward the night before you take your baby home.They can send you home with your baby around the 35 week mark and can inform you literally the week before. Sometimes with a full term baby you don’t get this attention and can be left in limbo and sent home.Â
Babies should be in a crib or Moses basket when they are first at home, not a cot, especially as they can still be tiny. Make sure their feet touch the bottom of their crib or basket, with blanket around them, away from their face, and never cover their face.
Don’ trust free nappies at baby shows, because in our case they were rubbish and so when Henry had a massive pooh explosion the nappies didn’t hold any of the pooh and was all down our sons legs and in his babygro. Sorry to put you off your food if you are eating but I have to tell you this because the more prepared you are the more I hope it will save you from getting distressed which can happen especially when you first bring you child home, and can save yourself a lot of time and have more time to recuperate whilst baby is happy sleeping.
They can grow teeth very early. The midwife I worked with when I used to give tips and advice on Avent products, because I worked for the company for a little while told me that her daughter was born with a full grown milk tooth.
Your C Section scar can become sore. When I did my first 10K run in 2014 after I had my son and crouched down once run was complete, boy did my scar hurt and was not aware and did catch me by surprise.
When babies reach the 8 week mark they are classed as full term babies by then, and I was advised not to do any form of exercise until I had my 8 week check.
Do practice your Pelvic Floor which is allowed after baby and you return home and the nurses will usually give you advice and a leaflet on this, as after baby is born you can end up quite loose down their and have embarrassing leaks.
Babies can have what I used to call “Milk snots” where basically they have milk coming out of their nose. Again my husband and I had no idea and when it first happened when Henry was in his cot in the neonatal ward were both in complete shock, the neonatal nurse was like “Yes that’s normal”, we were like “How come no one told us?”. It can be a nasty shock if you have never had or looked after a baby before who’s had this. It can feel like you are in a scene in an Alien film.
The painkillers that they give you in the hospital after you have had a baby and the numbness wears off, as they numb you from I would say the rib cage to your private area before your C Section, and the surgery room was very cold. I was shivering, but the painkillers can have some side effects. The main one was that I couldn’t read a book as the lines were wavy and disorientated.
I didn’t sleep for two days only on the Tuesday once Henry was born, as they prick your finger if you have gestational diabetes every half hour to an hour, because of my blood sugar level being so high and was attached to two drips, which made it very hard to go to the toilet and had to use a bedpan. I managed to find a way to pee whilst it was on the bed and I didn’t have to go very far.
This leads me to the next thing. Your dignity can go right out of the window, but you end up not caring.
The hospital after Henry was born gave me the option to go home on the Thursday after Henry was born or go back into another ward. I was because of my situation put in a single ward, but it depends on the hospital but due to needing the room for another patient which I totally respect was offered to go into another ward with other people or go home. It is entirely your choice, and if you decide to go home, remember your baby is being very much cared for in the neonatal ward and you can spend as much time in the neonatal ward as you like, as in our case the staff there encouraged us to be as involved in our baby’s care as much as possible.
Expect a lot of bleeding after having a baby and can stop for a bit whilst breastfeeding.
You need as much rest as possible. Yes it is good to be active whilst pregnant but it is especially once your baby is born that you allow yourself time to properly recover as any kind of birth going on my own experience is hard and your body is traumatized. You have delivered another human for heavens sake, so it can take its toll on you, and it can be a culture shock.
Other relatives are not allowed to hold your baby in the neonatal ward, because of infection. This may have changed but be aware and do wash and tell your friends and family visitors to wash their hands, as it did bother me when people didn’t when I always made sure my family and friends did. Being in the neonatal ward is hard and so the less you have to worry about the better.
All belongings are kept in the clockroom outside the neonatal ward too and the staff may refuse you from taking photos, in our case you wasn’t allowed a mobile phone in the neonatal ward but we were allowed to take a photo with a normal camera.
The hospital staff will usually give you some information once your baby has been born preterm about premature birth and what to expect, but I think this should be given prior to having a baby aswell, because even though it can still be a shock you can have some idea of what to expect and give you more reassurance that its not all doom and gloom, even though it may seem so at the time, and often your baby is okay and will still thrive from being born so early.
Do read the stories and letters from other parents outside the neonatal ward if you can, as these really helped make me feel better when I did worry about our son in the ward.
Premature babies can often have difficulty in breathing at first, and will be given different type of breathing equipment to help them. Henry had a C-Pap, but was off this after a day or so, and you are often if your waters do break and there is a chance the baby may be delivered early be given an injection to help the baby’s lungs, to help them breathe if they arrive.
Babies can develop jaundice. Nothing to be too alarmed about as they will usually test this early as soon as they are born, and if they are on the line or under they will usually be put them under a blue light with a face mask over their eyes to protect them, and can recover from this quite quickly. You can often tell if they are slightly jaundice as they can be a yellowy colour.
You may need a special insert for the car seat as the normal baby car seats can be too big, and at our hospital they provided this or you, which you did have to pay for, or you can get these elsewhere. Check this link on Amazon for an example: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kiddy-41905EK008-Premature-Inlay/dp/B00DGF0F2EÂ Â
There are tiny baby nappies and clothes, but you can bring in normal size nappies not clothes, to use on your baby in the neonatal ward too.
Don’t use wipes when baby is first born but use warm water and cotton balls and expect their pooh to be black like tar and sticky.
Babies will tend to lose a bit of weight at first and then gain weight afterwards.
I know this may seem obvious but many parents including us got this wrong when first nappy changing our son. The nappy goes on with the end with the sticker strips at the back of the baby (so the bottom) and you attach the strips at the front of the nappy with the smaller part at the front of your baby. If you have a baby boy make sure their penis is pointing downwards not up. Very important because they can leak out of the nappy and pee can come shooting out over the top, making you change it again.
Lay the clean nappy under the dirty one (so the one you are changing) because often than not, they can pee and pooh before you have put the fresh one on. Check out his video by Emily Norris of Baby Changing Hacks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eALsRJctUSY
Change their nappy before they have had their milk as do it afterwards, they can bring up their milk.
They may advise for no visitors for about a week or so once you bring your child home and if anyone has a cold, be polite but keep them away, as children that are born premature are more likely to get ill too especially being still tiny and this can lead to serious consequences. Any children visiting make sure they are out of uniform and have been cleaned and showered, and again make sure they have washed their hands before holding your baby for the first time.
I was shocked when hearing this, but one of the neonatal staff told us how one child was given a piece of food when they were first bought home by a visitor and was rushed to hospital because they almost choked. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS AND ADVISE ALL VISITORS TO NEVER TRY, AS IT MAY BE A BIT OF FUN TO THEM BUT NOT WHEN YOUR CHILD IS CHOKING AND BEING RUSHED TO HOSPITAL
If your baby is returned to the hospital doesn’t mean they will return to the special care ward, but to a normal ward with other different aged babies and can often get further infections. Please do not think I am scare mongering but wanting you to be aware in case you didn’t know and glad I was told, because it did make continue to be vigilante and we can often forget when we are at home, in a normal environment, and it can happen.
When a baby cries doesn’t always mean their hungry, and make sure you feed them again, if it is for example 4 hours it is from when they first began their feed not after their feed has finished, and we did get that wrong. Don’t worry as a child will never go hungry and will give you signs like, they will move their head and lips to indicate they are hungry, and never have a room too hot, as they an overheat and in Henry’s case got more distressed and felt the warm more when it was hot rather than cold. Of course every child is different but a room doesn’t have to be overly warm, just comfortable, and don’t put their cot if you can help it by a door or window because there can often be a draft, and keep away from a radiator.
One item to invest in,is a room thermometer. So handy and you get different ones. Check out this link on Amazon for examples: https://www.amazon.co.uk/
They can grow very rapidly and so don’t over do it with premature or full term baby clothes and nappies because with Henry some clothes didn’t even get worn, and same for the nappies. I found at one point I was clearing out his draws quite a lot, every week, because their growth spurts can be every week or more. You can usually tell if they are having a growth spurt because they can become extra hungry, so feed more and doing new things which you may not have seen before and have more dirty nappies. the more they grow, eat and drink the more waste can come out of their bodies. BELIEVE ME!
Always have a thermometer to check their temperature and you can get ones which measure both baby and their room, as sometimes you can’t always tell if they have a temperature and I didn’t know this until it happened and speaking with another mum who’s son was also born premature at the same time as Henry and were in the same ward, and hospital is that they are prone to getting chest infections when born premature. Not sure why, it didn’t seem as if the doctor knew why, but from his knowledge and expertise discovered this to be the case. A cold can often lead to a nasty chesty cough, which can lead to a chest infection, and Henry was given antibiotics and an inhaler with a mask that you put over their mouth and nose because they at an early age unable to inhale on their own and independently as of yet.
They can put anything into their mouths up to in our case 6 years old, especially if like Henry they have development delay and still use their mouth as a sensor to test and get to know different things they handle.
Same goes for chewing, Henry keeps chewing his clothes and you just have to be persistent to let them know that this has to stop now but to use their hands and talk. If they are chewing something say “We don’t chew that, we do this” and show them.
Children usually learn through pictures, sounds and actions, rather than by words, and if you can make learning fun rather than structured you can get better results sometimes, again depends on the child.
Don’t trust all bottles and teats as some babies can often take to different ones. We wasted money one brand and was advised to use another because our son didn’t take to the teat. If your child does struggle drinking from a bottle do seek support as in our case they advised us of the best one to use, which was an Avent bottle Variable flow teat.
Premature babies can have more have difficulty at times to latch onto the breast. Please do not be put off or disheartened as all babies are different, and some take to the breast rather than the bottle, so just try what is best at the end of the day for you and your baby.
The neonatal ward will often sterilize your bottles and teats for you, you may just have to provide the bottles and nappies, etc.
They may have some clothes to hand in the ward, but do help them by having your own aswell.
Babies often like to be swaddled as it gives the feeling of being held still and can feel restless if their arms are constantly free, and if you are not sure how to do this get the neonatal staff to show you.We had a swaddle blanket which was very kindly bought for us by family, can’t remember who and came in handy. Check out this Swaddle Blanket on Very for an example: https://www.very.co.uk/ Â Check out this video below of how to Swaddle a baby in a blanket: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikBYRi5f32g
Henry would become wide awake and stare at lights when he was first born, as often they are attracted by lights. Everything to them is new so let their eyes explore and do talk to them as you’ll be surprised as to what they take in.
Some babies and going on Henry when he was first born, loved being winded and it was how we first bonded as mother and son. He found it comforting and would, you may not believe me but it’s true, move his head forward to be winded and this was whilst he was still in hospital. You will be surprised as to how they communicate to you so small, but they do TRUST ME ON THAT ONE!
The dream feed doesn’t always work, because babies can often sense when they are back in their crib or cot and come alive at midnight. My advise use calm music and do tell them quietly that you are going to return them to their cot during their feed, and try not to talk then on as this can cause them to become alert. Keep voice low and calm, and as you would before their midnight feed create a ritual so they start to know by music, lighting and quietness that bedtime is coming up again.
Indications like certain songs, even bubbles and lighting can help children learn what is coming up next and really helps with different transitions, as no one likes being landed in the deep end without a warning and babies are the same, they like being given a sign and indication, and it helps them learn about when its morning, lunch time and evening. THE MORE INDICATIONS YOU USE THE BETTER THEIR UNDERSTANDING IN MY BOOK!
I hope this has covered everything and if you are due to having a baby then congratulations, and from my own experience try to keep yourself relaxed and calm as possible. If something makes you fearful about having your baby or lowers your mood, turn it off and just prepare yourself, but practice self care as much as you can, as you do need to put yourself first and others second when pregnant, more often than not.
Please do not feel I am contradicting myself by giving the advice above, I just wanted to tell you because there are many things I didn’t know, which you don’t get told, which I wished I had so I could prepare and have items like Piles cream, coldsore cream, what not to buy and be aware of how to deal with such things should they have occurred. Little details make a difference aswell as the bigger details.
If you are reading this and had a baby and have other tips and advice for new mums please share. You can leave a comment below.
You can keep up to date on all my blogs on this site by following me on WordPress.com and I also write on these sites too:
Working in customer service for many years and becoming a nursery assistant it is drummed into us about #effectivecommunication and it is important because the customer isn’t able to see what I am looking at and vice versa, especially when you have to speak to customers over the telephone.
You have to be clear and precise so they can understand what I need for them to do and I at the same time need to understand what they need help and support with.
When it comes to our own children, we can often get lost in translation and have #communicationbreakdown and can lead them and us feeling frustrated.
Henry (check out my previous blog: When times are tough) has had some behaviour issues, and from speaking with his teacher on Friday as it was his parents evening for him, she thought it was because he feels a bit overwhelmed with the new structured learning that the children have to do now they are in year 1, and he was struggling with this.
In the previous year at school in Keystage 1 (early years) it was a lot of learn and play rather than sitting down doing lessons, and Henry finds it hard to sit down for a long time and has to have intervals where he does some form of physical activity so his one to one teacher, will take him outdoors or in the hall (when raining) to play ball.
This is only for a certain amount of time, but helps him with each transition and doing different activities throughout his day. We have implemented this at home too.
The areas I have been working on myself:
Mine and my husband’s own behaviour, as this can have an effect on our son too, and so we are making sure we are more polite to each other and practice kindness and consideration. Parental relationships with each other can effect our children if not careful so it is important you build on your own relationship aswell as the relationship with your child
Our communication, my husband and I are on the same page and we both have the same intentions, and we both follow the routine we have and support each other.
The way we communicate with Henry, so making sure we give clear simple instructions and have him say what he would like to do and what is upsetting him. Try and avoid the word “No” and give him choices and options.
Getting our son’s input is so important as the more involved he is the more he can become independent and make choices and decisions by himself.
Creating fun games, and worksheets and activities for Henry to learn at home and at the same time allowing him time out to play and do other activities such as screen time, watching TV or his tablet or play ball.
This is not comparing my son by any means to other children, but he is behind the other children in his class and we don’t want him to feel excluded because of that, so the more we can help and support his learning through effective communication and helping him make choices, the better it will be for him so he will eventually catch up.
He does attend some of this sit down sessions in his class but not for very long because he can become disruptive.
I know this will help improve his behaviour aswell, because at the moment where he is having one to one time at school whilst the other children are sitting down and learning, it is effecting his social skills with the other children in his class, and this in turn has changed his understanding of how to respond correctly and play with other children. To help this the school has now had Henry to return back to the early years classes on some days to get that interaction still.
Focus on what they can do not what they can’tÂ
When communicating effectively, try and focus on what they can do rather than what they can’t, and say to them for example when Henry has a strop about doing his homework “You can have your ball when you’ve had your treat and done your homework”.
He can still be defiant but I see from observing him, that he will think about this, so allow time for it to sink in and then he will sit on the sofa whilst we do his homework. The treat by the way is for if his has walked nicely to and from school and behaved at school and is a snack of his choice.
The other communication behaviour I have stopped doing now is stop shouting and it has made me aware of my own voice when telling Henry something, as when I feel I am on the verge to shout, I take a deep breath steady my voice and then continue to talk. When I have shouted all that has happened is, Henry has just laughed and not taken me seriously at all and then I have gotten into having a tantrum myself. So instead I stay calm and say this is what we have done, now we are doing this and then you can do that, and it seems to be having a more better effect.
Also when Henry has misbehaved or about to kick off, I get to his level, so crouch down and hold his arms or shoulders gently and say “Henry look at me please” and then spoken to him keeping my language simple to help control him control his behaviour and not kick off.
I will say things like:
“You must behave at school and be nice to your teachers”
“Be kind, with kind words and say please and thank you”
“Listen to the teacher and do as they say otherwise they won’t play”
“When we don’t behave it makes us sad” and show them a picture of what sad looks like (I talk more about visual communication below) and I say “When we are good it makes us all happy” and again show them what happy is by making a visual reference.
Honestly it really helps
Using the naughty step and time outÂ
The naughty step never worked for me as we didn’t really have a step to do this on, so what I did instead was use a corner of the room or take him to his bedroom and say “Now calm down and then we will talk” and when I did this, it had a better response and he would calm down and we would go over what he did, and why it was wrong and then got him to say sorry, to then continue our day without bad behaviour.
Releasing a child’s unused energy
My son is full of energy and watching a TV program the other night called the “Britain’s naughtiest nursery” and there was a little boy like Henry, who would lash out and what they realised, the nursery nursers watching this child was that it was due to having so much energy, he didn’t know what to do with himself. So what they did to help this, they had the dad help the mum by helping his son use up his unreleased energy by bouncing him on this big large bouncy ball, and it meant that the mum could have a break, the son got to spend some fun time with dad and allowing the dad and little boy to bond a lot more.
A lot of the time when kids lash out its their way of either getting frustrated or because they are trying to communicate to you, because they want to play more or want more interaction. Many kids have a lot of energy that they need to get rid off. So now I will get Henry to do extra activities at home to help use up his energy which in turn helps him eventually to relax and control his behaviour a lot better.
Love and understandingÂ
Showing them love and understanding rather than getting annoyed with your child can have a massive effect and really helps them to calm down and say what they need to get off their chest better. Kids get insecure and overwhelmed like we all do and need reassurance and understanding so give them that time. Plus when they do a new skill, say a new word or do something like put their plate away or said thank you, give them praise as this will help them to see what is good behaviour and what is not.
Avoid criticism and blame, as this can really effect a child’s confidence and be frightened of making mistake. They will get things wrong its part of their learning and putting them down will not help them. Build on their strength and weaknesses and remember that they won’t be good at everything, but acknowledging their efforts will help them to build further knowledge and understanding of what they can do and what they need to work on.
Another way to help with effective communication and decision making is by using flash cards, so they can point to the toilet sign for example if they need the loo, or they feel sad or happy.
These are also good for you too to show them that you are happy or sad. A great way to see that when they are good it makes us all happy and when we are bad, it makes us sad.
These are good, which I am going to use more of aswell for showing them what they just did, what they are going to do now and what they will be doing next, because often enough a child wants to focus on one thing, but by doing this, this will help them prepare for each step and will get them to transition from one activity to another or go from one place to another.
Listening to our childrenÂ
Always listen and don’t interrupt them. Their language may not be clear as of yet but it is important that you listen, because this can lead to a child getting frustrated and have a tantrum, when all they want is to talk to you, even if it is gibberish at first, it’s still language. Repeat back what you think they have said, example “So you want to have this” and show them so they can tell you “Yes” or “No” and if they didn’t get it right first off, teach them word by word of how to say what they want to say instead of cutting them off.
Keeping language in simple termsÂ
When I was a football coach, which now was many moons ago, the amount of times I would witness parents especially, now not being sexist but true, dads, talking to their children in football talk was unbelievable and the child ended up being more confused than they were before.
My advice, avoid this like the plague, as all it does is confuse the hell out of them, especially at the age between 6-7 when all they want to do is play football and that’s it.
You can use simple words like e.g:
“When we pass a ball we kick it like this” and show them
“Always share the ball, like this” and do. If you start hogging the ball doing kick ups showing off, so will they.
Kids copy what we do so be aware
This can have good and bad consequences, as they pick up on good behaviour from us and characteristics and reactions, but they can also pick up on our bad habits and behaviours too.
Kids copy and is another way of how they learn, so do be aware of this when carrying out effective communication and when it comes to making choices.
I really hope this has given you some tips and tricks and I please let me know of good effective communication techniques and how you have gotten your kids to make decisions. I would love to hear. You can leave a comment below.
I have come across a couple of good websites and a blog post which is related to my topic of #effectivecommunication and getting kids to make decisions, see below:
In the past week I am not going to pretend that parenting my son has been wonderful and hunky dory, I have found parenting quite tough, due to Henry purposely bedwetting, not wanting to go to bed during the night and getting into ours and having constant tantrums and strops.
We have told him he can get into our bed wants he learns to consistently keep the bed dry. This is starting to help with this situation, we think anyway.
I felt really down on some days, to the point I felt like there was no way out. I know this is just a phase and I keep reminding myself of this, but at times I do feel like there is no resolution.
When times are tough I do want to hide away and hibernate until it is all resolved. However I know this isn’t the answer.
There is always resolution. I want my son to be able to express himself so I don’t want him to feel he can’t talk to me or tell me he is not happy about something.
Check out this article about children’s communication needs:
The more open I think children are the more we as parents can help them in situations and so the one thing I do try to avoid is to shut him down completely but advise him that talking in a angry manner isn’t the way, and I try to go through with him what he is not happy about, when it isn’t clear.
Henry has development delay and we also found out during the summer holidays that he has ADHD, and there is a possibility not sure as of yet as it is still being looked into by the doctor at our local hospital, slight Autism aswell.
These are obstacles, because Henry is still learning to communicate, he now gets speech therapy on a Monday at school, to help him because this is one of the areas he is delayed on. His communication and words are getting better but still limited going on his age. Check out my blog I wrote about him on my other site I share with this site:
Going on my son’s behaviour a lot of it is because he can’t get what he wants or he doesn’t want to do something. Example after school the one thing we have set into place is he must do his homework. This after he has had his treat, which is given to him if he has behaved at school and the teacher who looks after Henry on the day will report this to me with feedback of his day and if he has walked nicely to and from school.
Of course like we all do, after a day of being busy learning, playing and being active, we don’t always want to do homework, but of course it has to be done and so we have made it into a routine for him, so he knows before he can continue to play, relax, watch TV or play out in the garden for example he has to do his homework, and boy can he kick off.
Nevertheless I say “Okay, I know your tired, this is what we are going to do, and once we are done you can choose whatever you would like to do afterwards” Within reason of course. This usually works, he may still protest a little, but once he sees that there will be silence in the room until he has completed his homework and from experience it is best to do homework in my book without distractions, he will usually gets it done.
The one thing I have now put into place is a reward system, whereby when Henry has kept the bed dry, behaved at school, walked nicely to school and back, brushed his teeth without fuss and done his homework, we tick this off and he gets rewarded with a sticker, then once the chart is fully completed we count how may ticks he got that week and if he completed all five on any of the days he gets two stickers and then once completed for that week he gets a bigger reward of his choice.
So far it is really helping matters. The one below is from Poundland but you can make your own. When making one why not get them involved.
I do use bribery too, but this is beginning to wear thin. I know many may not agree with bribery but as a parent you do what you gotta do.
I really hope this has in some way has helped you When times are tough and remember you can get through it, and it will pass. Children will continue to grow and so do we as parents. It is a tricky business at times, but then my son will do something that has me in hysterics and reminds me why, even though he does drive me mad at times, why I love him so much.
To help you as a parent gain sanity when times are tough is to take some time out and if you need to spend a few moments in another room, then do so.
Whenever I have problems that can effect my mood, my feelings and emotions the one thing I practice a lot is mindfulness. Check out my website below where I talk about this technique a lot.
Another way to go deal when times are tough is to keep a journal. This may sound Cliche, but it really does help reflect on your emotions and gain perspective. It can help identify why your child is behaving in a certain way that is effecting their wellbeing and yours, which can then create bad habits and journalling can help you get to grips with it.
I wrote a blog about The Art Keeping a Journal and why I have always followed this method to help whenever I feel happy or down.
Do a Bullet Journal if it helps and list all the emotions and feelings and the behaviours and issues you are having with your child or children.
Do what you feel will help you and your child, as only you know your children
Please, if you missed my last blog about Celebrating birthdays, then please go ahead and read this now.
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