Back at School after the Lockdown

Today Henry went back to school, the first time since lockdown and I am kind of relieved that some normality has begun.

Getting kids ready for school is no easy task especially when their first initial answer is NO, so with Henry we do try bribery.

Now I know some people may frown upon that, but do I care, No I don’t.

At the end of the day you do what you gotta do, and when a kid is screaming blue murder you know there is no further option.

Henry got a little stressed because we didn’t cut through the large playground like we normally do, and all the classes are mixed at the moment, and so we have to follow the rules like everyone else, and so I just calmed him down as much as possible and passed him over to the teacher, praying that I don’t get a call later to pick him up because he has had a difficult day.

Children with ADHD like my son has, they can find change difficult so we did what we always do, and when I say we, me and my mother, showed him images of where he will need to go and what his classroom is like, as getting them prepared as much as possible does really help.

Also letting him choose an activity he can do in the car beforehand is a good distraction away from the new transition.

I would recommend planning the night before and saving yourself time is the key to a successful school run. I hate panicking and getting into a friendsey when if it had been done the night before like have all  their uniform ready and ready to grab, have his book bag filled with his school books and snack for the day and even getting out his shoes, are great time savers.

It really does and I even got up extra early today to give myself time to get ready. This meant having little sleep, but now after feeling like zombie fill right and rain.

So keep safe everyone and many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

Stop feeling guilty as a parent

Why do we put so much pressure and guilt on ourselves?

A question I ask myself all the time. I am fed up of feeling guilty. I know I am a good person, its just at times I feel I need to reach out and express how I am feeling and what is going on with my life to get it out of my system and to help others who may be going through the same thing.

Why is that such a crime?

I wrote a similar blog some time ago, see below:

Do What You Got To Do And Stop Feeling Guilty

At the moment things are not great but I am keeping my head up high ignoring the critters and trying to be the best person I can, trying to make a living with my blogs, but yet with some people that appears to be wrong, and yet they are okay to say how they feel towards me.

As far as I am concerned it is two way street. As a parent I often feel guilty but I think why, my son is in no distress, he is still very cheerful and is full of life. 

I wrote a blog about:

How to support your kids through a marriage break up

It is a topic that is very common and hard to deal with at times, but when people get involved who has nothing to do with it, makes it worse and you end up being the one who carries the guilt.

Why?

I never judged them when they were going through a marriage break up, and when my mum and dad got divorced it was tough, hence why I moved away in the end, because I just couldn’t face it anymore.

I now feel the same… driven away.

This may be hard for people to read, perhaps because people can go into denial and pass the buck, but at the end of the day, why should I be given emotional black mail when if the tables were turned I would never dream of reacting the same.

Not one person can really get to grips with how another person is feeling only they know and judging other people is a no no in my book.

Just because it is something they wouldn’t do doesn’t make it wrong, so stop judging, stop making other people feel guilty and let people bring up their children as they wish, and stop the pressure and the guilt tripping, when we all know how hard it can be, to be a parent.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

How to support your kids through a marriage break up

Hello and welcome to another parenting a blog.

Recently my husband and I have split up, and it hasn’t ended well, because a lot of things have been going on, and as always there are always those people who take sides and blame you.

They do this without them knowing the full story and jumping to conclusions.

A marriage breakup is caused by both parties and isn’t one sided. The father of my son has betrayed me and it has been tough, as now his dad sees him every weekend.

This blog is How to support your kids through a marriage break up. Don’t slag each other off in front of your child, and speak to each other in private.

At the moment I am in the place where I am unable to face my ex-husband because of what has been going on, which I can not proof, but at the same time respecting him being that he is still Henry’s father.

So keep it civil as much as possible and used delegating duties like my mum who is taking Henry over to see his dad, or his dad will pick him up.

Let the child choose who they wish to be with and don’t hold a grudge because of it. The child’s interest should come first and just let them see that you will support their needs as much as possible.

Ignore third parties, but do talk to someone yourself, because as parents and adults we need support too, and marriage break ups effects everyone.

The time it will be tough will be on seasonal holidays, but I know we will get through it and that, Henry may need to change schools, but that is up in the air at the moment and it important to concentrate on the now.

So remember when there is a marriage break up to look after your kids and talk to them about it too.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

Teaching kids to read

Hello and welcome to another blog. Today I am talking about Teaching Kids to Read, because I think it an important skill to teach.

They need to learn to read for their own wellbeing, and so it is important children read 3-4 times a week, to understand words and their meaning.

• Henry loves a good book and so do I. To begin try simple stories and rhymes, and books with just pictures without the words, and go over what they think is happening in each picture.

The one thing reading a book used to do, was calm Henry down, because when he was younger would often be quite grumpy after his nap in the afternoon, and it took reading a book calmly and softly, with music, to calmed him, and he would be happy again.

• One way of getting Henry to identify words with sounds and pictures, was by using flashcards aswell as books.

Learning a word is one thing, but knowing what it means is another.

Henry knew from me reading to him what simple words like “Lunch” meant “Come here”, and getting him to read from an early age has really made huge difference. I find it helps with pronunciation, writing and they becoming more engaging.

• Practicing reading by using Phonics books. Henry’s school has provided him with a couple of these books and what they do is help with the sound of the word.

Example: C__U__P

• Use wall charts with words, letters, numbers and pictures. Great investment and Henry uses these a lot when learning at home, to help identify words and what they mean.

Please check this link for an example:

The one thing Henry would do is jump words in sentences so the next tip is,

• Get them to say a sentence which they are stuck on a few times before moving on, and break it down for them. Doing the phonic books are great for this and then they will become fluent in reading those books
• Let them choose a story from their collection, and to help do a silly voice or accent to help keep them engaged and get them to read a few larger sentences in the book aswell
• Invest in a Easel a great tool to put up words, and the one thing we did was practice a word a day, and what it meant.
• Use seasonal celebrations to help with their  reading, so read an easter book or a book about Christmas. Helps keep their momentum to read at a high, and Henry will often just pick up a book now and try and read it himself.

So I hope you are coping okay with this Lockdown, it can be boring even though yes it is important, but doing different activities like reading, can help break down the day.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

 

 

How to deal with a child’s anger

Henry rarely gets angry but watching a video by Mel Robbins inspired me to write this blog, because when he has been angry it has been tough going.

To protest he will sometimes begin to cry, throw things, pinch or bite.

1. First off, try and calm them down by saying “I know you are angry this is what we are going to do” and give him options, “You listen and I will let you have that toy, but you must stop it or if you continue to be angry it will be a no”
2. Get down to their level and make eye contact with them, and don’t shout try the Mel Robbins 5 Second rule and try to detour the negative reaction in them.
3. Then leave them to calm down, as it important they learn to be independent in this factor for when he may get angry when they are older and at school. They need to learn how to defuse their own anger
4. Take them to a quiet spot and away from the situation if out and about
5. Sometimes it can be due to boredom so take them out, go for a drive and get some well earned fresh air

Seeing your child getting angry is never pleasant but you can by following above help to defuse the temper tantrum, and get on with your day.

Please share if your child has ever gotten angry and what you did to defuse the situation. You can keep up to date with my blogs by following me one WordPress.com

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

What to do with your kids during lockdown

Hi everyone back with another blog, sharing some tips on What to do with your kids during lockdown:

1. Try and stick to a routine as much as possible so it isn’t so much of  a shock to them for when they finally return to school
2. Create them a learning or play corner of a room so they can do some homework, play games, draw pictures or create cards for family members and family friends that they aren’t able to see at the moment
3. Have your kids help you with extra chores such as sweeping and cleaning the floors in the house etc
4. Have a movie day or evening so they can watch their favourite films, with some popcorn, different healthy snacks and a drink of their choice
5. Create them an email address for them so they can email friends and family to send a nice message to
6. Have your children use this time to tidy their rooms and go through any clothes they have grown out of that can be passed down or given away or sort through along with any toys they no longer need
7. Create some wall art by doing hand or foot prints to display using different coloured paints
8. Have some reading time. I mention this a lot in my blogs, because I do think it is so important for a child’s learning and improve their writing and verbal skills
9. If you have a garden why not have your children find different coloured leaves and flowers to wash and use for creating art and room decor
10. Give your kids a cookery class, as during school days this isn’t always possible due to time, so using this time to do other bits and bobs is great for them to for example enhance their cooking skills

If you can think of anymore great ideas of what you can do during this Lockdown because of the COVID 19 Pandemic then please comment below.

You can keep up to date with all my blogposts by following me on WordPress.com and I also post all my blogs at https://www.carriesblognetwork.squarespace.com

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Be creative and create poster for people to stay safe

Working from home as a parent

As a working mum it can be tricky to juggle everything at once but we still try to do it as much as possible.

At the moment we have no choice appart from those who work at Supermarkets, certain TV programmes and those who work for the NHS.

So how do you work from home as a parent,

1. Create a new schedule for yourself and for your children. This will include breakfast, work time, playtime, housework, lunch, dinner and quiet time, which I would always recommend
2. Listen to an audio book together and include story time into your schedule, and would recommend you do one for the day, week and the month
3. Be creative. So get all your craft tools and paints and create hand prints, do face painting, footprints and make some cards to send to love ones and friends who you are unable to see at the moment, due to the Lockdown
4. Break your work up into chunks of time, so for example I set 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening
5. Remember to take breaks if you work all through out the day, as you can burn yourself out if you don’t
6. Delegate your work load and if it is posting out documents why not get your kids involved. I helped my mum recently as she is working from home with sending out some gift cards to parents to pay for free meals
7. If something isn’t urgent then set it aside for another day, but still schedule in with a deadline date
8. Prioritize your workload, so put in what is more urgent or circle each item on the list that must be completed first, and get your kids involved.
9. Set up a corner or table so you have your work together and all the activities like drawing, painting or reading out ready so they can sit with you whilst you work
10. Brain dump the day before of everything you need to do and schedule it in

So lets all pray that this Pandemic goes so we can get back to normal, but I hope you find these tips helpful. Remember to follow me on this site if you would like to see more of my blogs I post on a weekly basis, and comment below of what tips you have of working at home.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Handling a breakup

Since becoming a mum back in 2013 my marriage has had its ups and downs and friction was caused between us especially when I had postnatal depression. My son was having difficulty on some days in not keeping his milk down, and it would be like an explosion of milk.

I have since met somebody new, not going to say who it is but I am very much in love.

We (the father of my son and I) back then were often at leggier heads and for the most important thing is to try and keep the piece as much as possible. I do have anger about why and how it has ended, but it has and I feel that for me personally I have to try and bite my lip and move on.

To me it is so important to try and be civil with each other and not use children as a weapon and a way of scoring points against on another.

Try to explain to them not just by the off chance it gets mentioned, but sit down with them and explain, that mum and dad are no longer husband and wife but we love you still so much and we’ll both be here for you should you need it.

A marriage that breaks up is hard especially for children and they may start to be a little clingy than normal, so suffering with separation anxiety, they can start to feel that they are to blame, which of course they are not.

They can start to play up a lot more, so wanting more attention.  They can become super hyperactive so have a lot more tantrums. They are scared even frightened because their world has fallen apart and they can feel they have no control.

If there are disputes then the best thing is to do it outside the home away from the kids because they will pick up on tension and that it is unhappy place and can feel very vulnerable.

No marriage ending can be easy but you can pull through and still end things amicably.

So if you to have had such experience aswell please share I would like to know.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

Getting your kids to tidy up

If you are off school and taking government measures to do social distancing and in self isolation and you are stuck indoors, then why not try getting your kids to tidy up.

This is the perfect opportunity and in fact this blog was inspired by my son who on his own accord began to tidy away mine and his dad’s clothes away, not in the right place mind you, but he still managed to tidy a chunk away.

Why not get a load of bins and put them in places around the house and have all the kids in your household have a sort out in their bedrooms, kitchen supervised, bathroom and sort through their bath toys for example and make a day of it.

Use it to go through their toys and have a good deep clean of items. Working in a nursery setting it is surprising how so many items like kids toys can accumulate so many germs.

Have them label the bins and have once all is cleaned sort some toys out for donating.

Why not give them a chore chart and make a game of how many items they can pick up in a minute or do within 10 minute intervals, or hide items around the home for them to find and then they have to find the objects home.

This teaches kids about observation, decision making and being organized.

The more we encourage our kids to be tidy up the more they are likely to follow suit and continue on tidying up their toys rather living in a chaotic mess which can happen with children.

Please let me know what you are doing whilst practicing social distancing and if you have been struck by the  Coronovirus then I hope you do get better soon.

You can keep up to date with all my blogs on  WordPress.com by following me and all my posts will be up on my network site:

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Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

Getting kids to do their homework

Getting kids to do their homework can be like banging your head against the wall, because like my son after a long day he’ s had enough of education by then and to be honest when I was at school I felt exactly the same.

So how do you get kids to do their homework,

1. Have a routine, so the more they know that it is time to sit down and do some work even if it is reading, the less reluctant they will be and will usually conform after several attempts and be used to knowing that now it is time for homework
2. Make it fun, I created some charts and use flash cards a lot
3. Ask questions to build up their interest, as they will interact more
4. Create a homework plan if it makes it easier and then your child will be prepared for each day

5.  Have an aim for each day, so for example for Henry it is for him to write more and because being a writer myself and a lover of books it is important for me to see Henry practice his reading, along with working on numbers and different words

6. Set goals for them, so they have a target for each part of the year, and work along with the school to see what their targets are so you can work together with them to enhance your childs learning

7. Remember to praise and reward during and after homework is completed and it will help make them look forward to it rather then dread and be something they want to do rather than what they have to do.

Check out an example of a homework planner I have created for my son Henry which you could use too below:

Copy of Henrys weekly homework Planner

Remember to like and follow me if you would like to be kept up to date of more posts I write The Parenting Adventures Tips and Tricks.

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Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Parenting Dilemmas

As parents we can face many parenting dilemmas, here are 5 Parenting Dilemmas I am sure you can identify with, such as:

1, Getting your kids ready to be leave for school. Thankfully I delegate these responsibilities to my husband in terms of getting him ready in the mornings, but I will take him to school and get him out of the house. I have to make sure we leave 20 minutes before because he wants to continuously watch the buses and planes fly over so getting to school can be a challenge at times. So if your kid does the same then always give yourself extra time to get ready and when leaving for school.

2, Toilet training. During the day he is fully trained, but at night it is still a working progress but he has had some dry nights. You just have to persevere and try not to use pull them ups if possible as in my experience they do not help matters and can confuse the toilet training process, because they can become to used to wearing them and going in them rather than using the toilet at night. Getting them to do a dream wee can help which is as soon as you hear them murmur get them up even if you have to carry them and assist them when going to the loo.

3. Doing homework. Have a homework routine daily. I know they are tired but it has to be done and will help when they go onto further education. The more they can learn now whilst they are young the better.

4.Meal times. Henry like last night fell a sleep before dinner so I will give him something when he gets in so we can all eat together in the evening. Or he wants to play so we  set boundaries. Meals times should be a family time and should be kept that way, once food is eaten then they can leave the table and can continue to play, have quiet time.

5. Bath time. If you have read my first book The Parenting Adventures Pregnancy to the first nine months about bath time which is available in paperback in chapter 5. Bath time wasn’t easy. Since then though it has been a lot better, he will sit down in the bath and only likes it when I give him a bath, but find it is a great way to bond.

So what dilemmas have you faced and what has helped you, I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below.

I would like to recommend this Pinterest page which I have discovered called Parenting Dilemmas.

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Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

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5 Parental Strategies

 

Hi everyone and welcome to another blogpost. Today I m sharing some 5 Parental Strategies to help you with building your child’s growth and development and relationship:

1. Allow them to make good choices in life
2. Be calm and patient
3. Be clear and precise
4. Always reach their level to make eye contact
5. Be honest but allow them to use their imagination

It is always good to set boundaries but  I am a great believer of learning through play and would often let Henry pretend now when plays football to do the commentary as it is good for words and communication.

When doing homework and chores, make it as fun as possible otherwise they will get bored.

Playing games like myself and my friends did, using the archers in the estate where we lived as houses, you could help the kids to build some Lego and do pretend play. It is all part of learning and a great for them to have interaction with you and their siblings.

Strategies help set boundaries for you and them. Please comment below of any further strategies you may have.

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Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

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5 Half Term Hacks

Hi all so in today’s post I wanted to share some hacks. I love a good hack and in today’s post I am going to share 5 Half Term Hacks

1. Have all activities laid out the night before, easy for them to reach like books and homework
2. Have their clothes laid out and shoes by the door with coats, scarves and hats
3. Lay out chore charts on the table which they can mark off with stickers. You can get some great chore charts from stores such as Poundland (please see link) or make your own https://www.poundland.co.uk/ 
4. Use a kids bucket when not used in the summer as extra storage I use my son’s in the kitchen at the moment for my cleaning items in the kitchen
5. Hang their dirty wellies on clothes hooks once cleaned and washed

Half term can be tricky, but fun too and I will post more about Half term in my next post, but until then many thanks for reading.

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Have a wonderful evening and rest of the week

 

Carrie X

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Half term tears and tantrums

Image I took driving around Richmond Park

Hi all yes it is half term and with the weather like it is, it is hard to know what to do.

We have had a few tears and tantrums whilst having a coffee in Richmond Park, which is one of Britain’s biggest parks and you can see some of London’s buildings from there too. Great place for kids to play some rugby or football or have a run around and get in touch with nature.

Don’t forget there are other national parks in and around London and farms, such Hobbledown and Bocketts Farm or even London Zoo.

Doing time out and getting Henry to sit down and think about his behaviour seems to be doing the trick at the moment when it comes to tears and tantrums, and the other thing we have been disciplined in doing is making sure he does his homework from school.

This is consisting of doing some reading, writing, activities like playing with Lego to get Henry to use his hands more and get in touch with his hand motor skills and playing games like hungry frogs.

I think keeping a routine during the school holidays to be tricky but for us routine works better and it is good to get out earlier in the day rather than later as they can become lethargic and fatigued later on, and this can lead to Henry kicking off.

The other great things to do during half term is to get them to do is to spend the time to grow their independence, for example if they can’t get dressed themselves yet start getting them to do it now, because there is no rush and gets them into a more of a routine when they go back to school or nursery.

I also like the Soft Play activity rooms for Henry we have a few near us in the Rainbow Leisure centre and Leatherhead Leisure Centre, There is the Soft Play in the Once Upon A Time Cafe but this is more for smaller kids.

So what kind of things do you do during half term I’d love to hear please get in touch by commenting below.

Please remember you can keep up to date with my blogs by following me on WordPress.com

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Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

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Teaching music to children

The one thing myself, my son’s dad and our son loves is music and is a great way to teach children about sounds and words, along with rhythm and singing, using their voices and the sight and hearing.

I love that my son and I will often get up and dance and was one thing he found soothing, when he would have a tantrum or a meltdown.

I would encourage all parents to use music to help their children and spend some time bonding through music. Write a song together.

I loved my keyboard as a kid and do you remember your first record?

I do it was Mirror Mirror by Dollar. I even remember my first record player it was pink and I would spend hours playing my records.

I live my life through music and it good to look back on photos and help your child create their own play list or make a special family CD.

Musical instruments are not expensive and there are many kids ones out there on the market to encourage them to play and create sounds and practice making sounds and you can do this to help with vocabulary by playing to the beat of the word.

The one club I would encourage mums with smaller babies to go to is Monkey Music, as it teaches children about just that.

So lets kick our shoes off and hit those sounds out.

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Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

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A CHURCH SERVICE THAT BLEW MY MIND AND HOW DIFFERENT THIS WAS FROM WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL

THIS IS THE SECOND BLOG OF BLOGMAS DAY 12!

I did not plan to write this, but I had to. As soon as I went into that church today I felt I needed to write about it, because it literally BLEW ME AWAY!

I am not allowed to share any videos or pictures to protect the school and children, I just wanted to tell the world how amazing it was.

As soon as I got into that church I could hear amazing singing. I thought it was from a CD that was being played, but hearing the vicar speak opened my eyes to the fact that it was in fact the children. As soon as they got into the church they sprung into song and it was like being in heaven, and what I imagine heaven to sound like, it was that good.

I remember the church services from when I was a kid, they were fun and enjoyable as I got to participate in a few, mainly Primary school, by playing the recorder, singing in the choir or even playing a part in the nativity play, but we relied on hymn sheets and books, often getting the words wrong and only a few would sing.

Looking back, now I am in my 40’s being at the school church services were important to me. Even after I had my heart operation as a child, I have a hole in the heart, I still made sure I attended the school services especially at Christmas. I remember feeling sad and disappointed for not being part of it that year and couldn’t wait to join in again. It was the year where I finally got the part I wanted. To be the Shepherd, I have no idea why, but I did and so when I couldn’t take part that year I remember feeling like I had “Lost my chance”.

I remember having the hymn book often being on the wrong page and not knowing all the words, and miming because I was often too self conscious to sing out loud, but today it was so different.

At Henry’s school church service today it was all about the children, which school should be about, because school wouldn’t be a school without them, and they took charge of that service today. The vicar did say a few words and read a sermon, but most of it was about the children, and when they sang and had the words of the songs on the TV screens, and watching and observing the children I was totally amazed. Not one of them had looked at those screens and still sang the songs like they had been singing them all their lives and for years, and it touched me from my head to my toes and I had to at one point hold back the tears.

It BLEW ME AWAY and beat Songs of Praise out of the window. After seeing this and being there today, I thought afterwards they should do a school songs of Praise or even be in the charts. I could have listened to these children all day long, it was so wonderful and magical, that all the unhappiness I felt today, as yesterday did not go well for me at all, completely disappeared.

It also made me see that my own prayers were answered today. I understand that everyone has different beliefs, but I do think especially after today that there is someone out there looking after us all, including me.

I couldn’t find my son’s reins this morning and last night. I looked everywhere and was panicking slightly. However I had to admit defeat “They were gone” so I thought okay, I am off today and free, so I’ll go with him. I am so glad I did and I can’t help think that this was fate, as far as I am concerned and God or someone had my back, because if I had found those reins I would not have seen that today and I did.

I think it was someone showing me that however tough yesterday was or this morning was “You are going to be fine and there are still some wonderful things that can make you happy in this world” and often it is something out of the blue, or right on your doorstep.

I am even going to email the school to tell them because I want to let them know that those children were ASTONISHINGLY BRILLIANT AND TRULY OUT OF THIS WORLD!

The other thing was, they had the older children help the younger children by holding hands to and from the church. What a lesson that is to them, and they will gain so much from that, that I am not sure that even the teachers, helpers or parents even know how much this is a massive life lesson to them. They are going to benefit so much from that. They would have never dreamed of doing this at my Primary school. When I was a kid I was bullied by the older kids and they had to separate the older children from the younger ones, and keep the gates locked and I dreaded some of the days at school.

Henry loves going to school and the kids are so respectful, even when some of the older children jumped ahead, as soon as a teacher told them to come back, they did without arguing or kicking off and we all made it back to the school without a fuss.

So if your child has a church service this year and you have the chance to go, then after today, if it is anything like today I would say go, because you will be as astonished and blown away like I was today.

If you would like to see my previous post for today, then please visit the site via this link below:

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

You can also check out my other sites too for posts this year:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

If you have stories of your child’s church service then please share if you wish.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

P.S: Links to my Pinterest and social media sites are below, where you can find more posts and pictures from my blogs.

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

Watch “Parenting 101: Tips for Talking to Kids” and “Stop Trying to be perfect” on YouTube

HI AND WELCOME TO BLOGMAS DAY 11!

I so needed to blog today, it was a tough day so far. It was one of those days  where I thought I was doing a good job but turns out that I wasn’t.

However if you too have had one of those days or you also have had that type of day today then just tell yourself,

“you will get through it”

We can often feel as parents that we are getting it right only to find out that we are wrong, because someone else does it this way. You can feel like you can never win, or that your child will not listen to you no matter what.

Please check out these videos below, sharing tips on on how to talk to kids and stop trying to be perfect:

Sometimes as parents we can continuously think we are getting it wrong, but all we can do is do our best, and that goes for most things in life.

We were not born to be perfect we were born to live our lives the best we can and pass on what we know to our children as much as possible!

Check out this video below by Mel Robbins about Stop trying to be perfect. She talks about how she forgot to pick up her son from school and felt terrible, but she had a realization from her son, find out more by watching this video:

I have also written a couple of blog posts in relation to these videos about Effective Communication and Never try to be perfect/create good habits instead.

So I hope if today has not been a good one for you too so far then grab yourself a cuppa when you can, and if you need to go into a room and scream into a pillow then do.

If you have tips on talking to kids and of times like Mel Robbins when you have felt that you haven’t been the perfect mum and what happened, then please share if you wish to.

You can keep up to date with all my blogs on WordPress.com by following me below.

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

I will be back tomorrow for day 12 of blogmas so please lookout for these and I will be posting them on my Pinterest and my social media pages aswell:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie x

Watch “I’m A Stay-At-Home Mom…Again! || Mayim Bialik” on YouTube! Blogmas day 14!

HELLO AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER BLOG, IT IS BLOGMAS DAY 14!

If you are a “Stay At-Home-mum” or have been like I was 6 years ago when I first had Henry then you’ll know that it can be hard at times, whilst your husbands at work and you have to go it alone.

However if you watch this video below it will remind you how fast they grow. There will come a point when they won’t need you so much, because they become independent and so will not call you so much.

If you were born in the 80’s and the 90’s you may remember a US sitcom called Blossom and also since then has been in the Big Bang Theory.

She does great content on Youtube and I will be sharing more of her videos especially on parenting because I have found them to be really helpful and useful.

It is the wonderful Mayim Bialik, please see her video below:

So if you have any stories you would like to share of being a Stay At Home mum then please share if you wish, you can comment below. 

I will be blogging some more so make sure you watch out and if you like my content then give us a shout.

You can also follow me by clicking below staying up to date with everything that I write and show.

Please see links below of my sites and more will be coming to soon, so keep reading and thank you so far who have given my blogs a like.

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Have a great weekend and many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: All my posts will also be on my Pinterest and my social media sites too.

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie8243476

 

Watch “I don’t like being a mom” on YouTube! BLOGMAS DAY 9 blog 2. ITS OKAY!

HELLO AND WELCOME TO BLOGMAS DAY 9! ALL MY BLOGMAS POSTS CAN BE FOUND HERE IF YOU WANTED TO CATCH UP AND READ THESE ASWELL, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY IN THE LINK BELOW!

https://www.carriesrealworld.com 

I have had the following video in my drafts for a while because it hit “INSTANTLY” as soon as I saw the title “SPEAK OUT TO ME” and  I was really determined to today to share this, because it can challenging and true this time of the year.

Now this isn’t saying we don’t love our kids, we do, but there are times when they can be A NIGHTMARE and play up, moan because they don’t want to sit and eat their Christmas dinner and there are many things that people often won’t say, but what others are thinking because it may be misinterpreted, and no matter how much you try to avoid kids from arguing and kicking off, they try to do it.

KIDS WITHOUT BEING TAUGHT CAN PICK UP ON HOW TO PRESS SIBLINGS AND PARENTS BUTTONS TO CAUSE UPSET AND TEARS AND WHEN THEY DO, ITS NOT NICE!

So I wanted to share this video because of this and to show that these feelings are COMPLETELY NORMAL AND IT IS OKAY, WE STILL LOVE OUR KIDS EVERYDAY BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN EVERY WAY!

Check out the video below by Jessica Hover, and she does brilliant videos for parents and subjects that are not always mentioned but they do exist.

She is sharing about why “I don’t like being a mom”.

 

Our children if you show them aswell as tell them, know that you love them, but I do think about the life I once had. Pre-child  I would go to rugby with my friends and be able to stay out without worrying about being back to do bath time or be awake in time the next day for the school run, they were fun times and I do miss them.

This doesn’t mean I don’t love being with my son, I do, but when they won’t allow you to chat on the phone without them shouting down it or try to grab it from you, those are the moment I don’t enjoy.

ALL JOBS LIKE PARENTHOOD COMES WITH THINGS WE DON’T LIKE AND THAT’S A FACT.

This doesn’t mean I like my child any less, I don’t always like the work or the pooh explosions or the pinch scars, because my son couldn’t watch his TV programme, ITS HUMAN NATURE!

I don’t like everything about blogging, but I enjoy creating the content, I do get a buzz from when I see someone new following me on my blogs, but I don’t always like blogging because of editing and proof reading, I find it tedious.

 

I still love to blog because I love to share tips and tricks to support and inspire others, but that bit of the work I don’t enjoy. THAT’S OKAY!

So I hope that helps you if you feel like “I don’t like being a mum” but feel guilty for feeling that way, DON’T ITS OKAY, YOUR HUMAN AFTER ALL. Our kids don’t always like us, hence why they will kick off in a supermarket or when having a coffee, but when they give you cuddles or you sit and watch a Christmas film you both love and have a hot chocolate without no tears and tantrums, parenting can still be fun and you can still enjoy your children.

I wrote a blog yesterday which can relate to this blog, as I do find this lady empowering and inspiring and you can Use empowerment and inspiration when its just not your day, see below for details:

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/2019/12/08/using-empowerment-and-inspiration-when-its-just-not-your-day/

So I hope that this blog has helped you and I will be sharing more as we continue through to Christmas day, for Blogmas.

Check out my other sites below for recent blogmas posts:

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: You can also find my posts on my Pinterest and social media pages below too:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

Telling our kids little white lies/keep the fantasy of Christmas alive

BLOGMAS DAY 9!

We tell our kids not to lie, yet we lie to our kids every year.

I was inspired by a friend who said exactly this on Facebook, because she was confused as a child at Christmas because like I was told, NEVER TO LIE BECAUSE IT IS WRONG, we lie to our kids every year around this time.

The story behind Father Christmas came from a man some years and years ago, called St Nicholas who wanted to give children gifts in his local neighbourhood, but it still came from someones imagination and fantasy, to develop the story of Christmas and make Santa the man he is today.

HE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER ASWELL AS THE TOOTH FAIRY, WHO CAN GET AWAY WITH BREAKING INTO FAMILY HOMES AT NIGHT, HAVE FREE MILK OR PERHAPS A GLASS OF SHERRY AND A MINCE PIE, LEAVES GIFTS, HAS A SET OF REINDEER ON THE ROOF AND ONLY WORKS ONE TIME OF THE YEAR!

GOOD OLD SANTA CLAUS IS LIVING THE LIFE!

Here is a great video on Youtube that you can share with your children, sharing The Story of Santa Claus.

Keeping the fantasy of Christmas alive is a great way to help our children with many skills and encourage them to learn as they have fun:

• Helps use their brain and imagination to create good and positive things, and everlasting memories
• This in turn can help with their writing skills and concentration
• Learn life skills by helping with the Christmas food, errands and tiding
• To give to others less fortunate than them, and share their love and learn about love
• Reading and making new discoveries
• Taking turns, thinking, making good choices and working as a team, when playing festive games or sharing toys, building Lego for example
• Social skills and having lots and lots of fun

We mustn’t forget even if you are not religious the real truth behind why we celebrate Christmas and what it is about, so they can make up their own mind if they wish to believe it or not.

If you don’t want to give them a bible then tell them briefly:

“It started a long time ago before you were born, a little boy called Jesus was born in Bethlehem and were given gifts by three kings and was the son of God.

There are many illustrations now that has information about the real story of Christmas, see link:

http://www.freebibleimages.org/illustrations/christmas-jesus-birth

The one thing that has worn thin with my son and from saying it to other children,

“If you are not good Santa won’t be coming this year”.

My niece even gave me a look as to say:

Without even saying a word.

They no for a fact that this isn’t going to happen, because REALLY! ARE YOU GOING TO NOT LET THAT CHILD OPEN A GIFT WHEN THEIR SIBLING IS? CAUSE NOT, WHY? BECAUSE GUILT SETS IN AND OF COURSE ITS CHRISTMAS A TIME OF GOODNESS AND CHEER, NOT MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE!

Learning the triggers of a tantrum can help detonate them and stop them.
Triggers:

• Crossed arms
• Look of defiance
• Straight wide open eyes
• Selective hearing, “Pretending that they can’t hear you when you know they can and did hear what you said but carries on as if nothing was said”
• Turn their back
• Stamp their feet
• Bite their hand in frustration
• Pull at their hair
• Turn limp as if suddenly they body had gone floppy grounded to a halt, so even if you try to pick them up, you can’t and they are alive and well, but won’t move and inch

Detonate:

• Grab their attention immediately to something else that you know will keep them happy and you, before they can start making a fuss. I do this when out and having a coffee if there is a dog for example as often Henry won’t leave them alone or want to leave the shop, I will take his hand, put his coat on at the door, go outside and instantly he has forgotten about the dog
• Kids will often do the opposite to what you expect and you can do the same when they look like they are going to kick off. Now if Henry begins to chuck stuff around, I will not make conversation, because usually that’s what he wants and can make things worse, and then I can end up having a tantrum too, but calmly pick up the cushions, not making eye contact and continue on with what I was doing,without paying him any attention. He will then, either start to do something more constructive or come over to me looking foolish and as if to say “Why aren’t you saying anything or watching me?” and calm down. I know they say, and I have watched Super Nanny not to do this because it is ignorant parenting, but what I have learned is that kids love it AS MY SON WILL USUALLY LAUGH WHEN I HAVE DONE THIS, when you threaten to take their toy away or taken them to their room with gritted teeth, because they can see it as a signal to cause more mayhem. So when I don’t speak or make eye contact, concentrate my focus elsewhere, he will then come over to me, so he stops causing havoc so then I have gotten him to stop without saying a word, grabbed my attention, and then I will say “Have we finished? Are you ready to behave?” and then he is ready to listen and be good for the rest of the day
• If they don’t want to take turns or they like my son did the other day when we were playing connect 4 rush trying to put a counter one by one before I have had a go, I will take it out of his hand or “STOP DEAD” and saying clearly, “I’m going to have my go and then you can go next” “Remember its my turn”. You do have to control your voice which I am trying my hardest to do, as kids will test you, but LAY DOWN THE RULES. They have to make it fair because you don’t want them being excluded by children playing games because they aren’t giving other children a chance

Christmas is a time of cheer but also a time for many kids to destroy rooms and toys, and “ANOTHER LITTLE WHITE LIE” and to help remember those Elfs you have around your home this time of the year, use them with a a sign say “BE GOOD OR I WILL BE GONE” and read it out to them so it is clear that if they aren’t good, the good old Elf will say goodbye EARLY.

So I hope this has helped, please make sure you check my other posts on this site and my posts on the links below, and I will blog again tomorrow:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X.

P.S: Please check out my Pinterest and social media pages:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

What to do when kids try to push boundaries because they can’t have what they want! BLOGMAS DAY 6!

Hello everyone, it is Friday yay and before I start this post I just want to let you now that I have already posted a blog today for BLOGMAS DAY 6 on my main site https://www.carriesrealworld.com

If you are like me and love planners, I love a good picture or video about planners that people have shared, then you will like my blog post today on Carries Realworld about my Work Planner for 2019.

I would also like to share an article (linked below) that I came across on my WordPress news feed, and if you are blog writer too and need some inspiration for posts I would always recommend you check the news feeds that come up as they often have some great news ideas and topics that may be of interest of you.

The article below is a about how a mum who made a Sensory Cushion for her son who has Autism out of bean bags, because he would get very anxious and helps to keep him calm. Honestly truly amazing and shows how the simplest of  hacks like this can make such an impact and now will help other parents and children too, see below:

https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/06/mum-makes-budget-weighted-lap-cushion-4-bean-bags-calm-son-autism-11282232/

***

Today I wanted to write a blog about,

What to do when kids try to push boundaries because they can’t have what they want!

I know for a fact from seeing other children in my life grow up that there are many mums who have experienced these dilemmas and have been mind boggled as to what to do.

Please do not feel I am being negative about parenting because I am not. I love my son to bits but there are times when I have felt utterly helpless and want to shout “HELLO IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP ME?” and that is one reason why I wanted to write this blog.

I got the idea for this blog because my son today who is off from school because I had to pick him up from school on Wednesday because I wanted to watch something I wanted on the TV instead of him. I had been up early doing some training and whilst he was supposed to be eating his breakfast wanted to make it clear that he wanted football.

He was chucking some magnetic lightweight thankfully letters from his easel, he was jumping on me wanting to give me kisses, which I know it seems like “What how is that disruptive?” because he was literally slobbering me to the point, sorry for TMI but the point of this blog is being truthful, where I was smothered with saliva.

He thinks this is funny because I am going “Errr that’s disgusting stop” as I don’t like to shout or think he can’t express himself and if I keep telling him to stop calmly and not get angry he will stop without me getting cross. In the end the though I sternly said “I am going to watch my programme and then when I am finished then you can watch what you want”.

I MEAN HOW MANY TIMES CAN SOMEONE WATCH MATCH OF THE DAY IN ONE SITTING!

I love my football but we all need a change sometimes.

When he saw that I was making it clear and he wasn’t going to get his way, he did try for a little bit more to be disruptive by jumping and messing around chucking the cushions on our sofa. Then because he saw that I wasn’t going to give in, he eventually gave up and I was able to finish watching a full episode of The Apprentice.

Children will try to push boundaries that’s part of how they learn what is right and what is wrong.

Nevertheless they need to know that they can’t always have what they want, when they want.

• This in turn helps them to form good relationships with others at home and outside. After all everyone should be respected.
• To give people time and space
• Take turns and share

To help make them make the right choices and not push boundaries is to,

• however much they try to be disruptive and kick off, grab the remote control or hide it they need to wait and that everyone has the right to have TV time too. For example.
• Its not always about them. Yes kids should come first when it comes to life decisions, but at the same time you have to make it fair for everyone, yourself included.
• Show them that playing on your own whilst mummy makes dinner can be fun too aswell as playing with others.

 

When Henry started throwing the letters from is easel when being told a few times,

• I gave him the chance to see if he would make the correct choice by repeating and making it clear that what he was doing wasn’t good before giving him consequences of what was going to happen if he continued.

This did make him stop and think, but he continued so I followed through what I would do, which was put all the letters in the container they were in and took them all the way and this made him stop again and see that “This is what happens when you do wrong and now I have blown my fun”.

When it comes to kids pushing boundaries and getting kids to behave. You may have to repeat yourself a few times for them to grind to a halt and stop.

You do have to be strong, Henry has sometimes when he hasn’t gotten his way turned aggressive by hitting, he used to bite and pinch which I hope I am not jinking, hasn’t done any biting or pinching for ages, and he often will bite his hand in frustration.

so in following on from my first tip,

• • HOLD YOUR OWN.

That isn’t being unkind or or that they shouldn’t have any control, its so they understand that you are the parent and they need to listen and that you have rules and if they do want something they have to be respectful and kind. When they have listened and not pushed any boundaries by being disruptive then they can have a chocolate or their TV programme on.

• Teaching patience helps them understand not to push boundaries and will again help them later on in life and building relationships with others.

 

***

During Christmas when kids are playing with their new toys, I bet you that there will be that one child if you have a houseful this Christmas will try to take a toy from another child who is happily playing in their own world and then that child who’s toy has been taken, will then begin to kick off too.

Sharing, doing joint activities where they have to take turns, is the key to getting kids to understand about boundaries because if you have 4 children for example and one child gets to play with a scooter when they other kids can’t, obviously depending on age it can cause friction and jealousy.

• Give each kid time with each toy, and have a timer. Once the timer has gone, then it is time to swap.

To help my son at school transition from one activity to another they use this timing system and I implement this at home too.

• If a child still continues to take a toy away from another child, let them know and what helps with me now is getting on my knees so I am eye level with Henry and say “That is not how we share and what you are going to do, is give that back and then when they are finished with that toy, then you can have a turn at playing and fun with it aswell” and encourage them to go over give the toy back by taking them to that other child and have them say “Sorry”.

If they refuse then you say “I am going to take this toy from you and give it back and you will no longer play” and this where timeout or making them be on their just for a few moment or 5 minutes or so, to let them think about what just happened.

This not only helps with boundaries but with fixing relationships too and admitting and being truthful that they were wrong in their actions. I have done the whole thing of asking “Would you like it if I took your toy away from you?” but Henry has not said the answer I want and said “Yeah”.

DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK BUT YOU CAN TRY IT AS SOME CHILDREN WILL RESPOND THESE QUESTIONS AND SAY “no”.

Boundaries can be fixed but the more they teach about when crossing a boundary is wrong the more it will help them to be the good person they want to be and in turn helps them with their wellbeing.

• If you child does become unbearable to the point you feel that it is your fault and feel you have tried to stop him, but you have no control, don’t beat yourself up. Boundaries pushed or they have completely crossed the line, they can always be fixed and all kids at some point will try to do the same.

I have had bad reports at school and felt that I am some what to blame and felt like “I am trying but not getting it quite right” but children do make up their own minds and choices, and however much we say “Stop” or “Don’t” they will still try.

• As said in many blogs, you have to persevere, be consistent and try to be on the same page with your school and make sure they are on the same page as you and their behaviour can be fixed.
• Also many kids without being shown will in some way find their own way if someone else has pushed boundaries and upset them to fight back. It may be the wrong way, but its how they learn how to take control of negative behaviour towards them.

When we upset people, we can often feel upset to because we feel guilt, foolishness and “I’m such a terrible person”, “I should have done this and that” but we are only human at the end of the day and it still important that we let someone know that we aren’t happy about something.

• If there is an argument or a a disagreement between two or more children, then stay calm and separate them into a different space and let them know what you are going to do and what is going to happen without trying to lose patience so you end up kicking off too, so then you feel bad and “A naughty child”, and allow them to think it through.

I know this may sound easier said then done, but when you take one child into their room or a corner or area, and another in another space. If you speak to them whilst they aren’t kicking off, you won’t always get a clear response and it all starts up again.

Speak to them calmly if not together one at a time and one thing I am trying not to do, is do this in front of others. The reason being I didn’t like it as a child and when an adult would shout at another adult in front of others, you can end up with them being even more disrespectful because they have now been humiliated in front of everyone and made to feel bad.

• When telling a child off or anyone, you don’t need an audience to do it.

Go through points, example “So she wouldn’t let you play with the Barbie is that right and she called you a name? Okay” and then go through the same with the other child and then if you need time to think it through then do so. I good way of doing this is to say “Right you will both read a book or you can watch your tablets for 5-10 minutes why I help to both figure a solution”.

If you are out in the shops then you can’t always separate so you can say “Right we aren’t going to continue until this stops because you are both getting angry and this in turn is stopping me from getting bits for dinner because you are both arguing, so we aren’t going to say another word until we have finished shopping and then when we get home we can discuss it further”.

When kids are arguing someone is kicking off because they can’t have that chocolate bar it can cause embarrassment and negative thoughts to you, and then you can’t often concentrate, so getting them to focus and help you because they need to understand that this isn’t about them at the moment, helps them understand that at times a chocolate bar or a toy isn’t so important right now and its time to help me “Mummy” for example.

I never want my son to feel that he can’t say how he feels and not take control, because again it is part of how he will learn to be independent. Nevertheless when it comes down to it he needs to learn to behave properly for his own sake, not to push boundaries that will disrupt other people and upset them, and be someone as he is very sociable most of the time and very friendly, to grow as a person even further to continue to form good friendships and gain respect from others himself.

• teach them about team work and life skills. My son loves to make his own sandwich now and because he has taken the time to make it himself. He will now eat the whole thing without a fuss and without suddenly mucking about putting jam all over the sofa and walls.
• Team work and life skills are so important, and when they work as a team they will often make the effort to then share. Team work after all is sharing. Doing puzzles, Crafting and Cooking or even playing a sport is a great way to do that
• it teaches children to work together effectively, communicate and support one another and learn when not to cross a boundary that will effect his relationship and morale of the team.

If they make something they are likely to respect it and take care of it better and show them images from books, flashcards or cartoons of when someone is doing something good, or “This is how we eat nicely at the table because when we don’t eat nicely or wait for people to finish their meal at the dinner table before we begin to get up, makes us all happy and then we can have some playtime afterwards”.

So I hope these tips and tricks help you and your kids to have a great Christmas without having tantrums and arguments as much as possible and I will be posting more and more in the days to come for Blogmas. There will be another post on one of my websites tomorrow, so keep checking my sites below for further details.

You can keep up to date with all my Blogs that I have and will be posting during BLOGMAS by following me on WordPress.com and carriesrealworld. Please see my other sites below:

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

 

Carrie X

P.S: You can also find my posts and other information I share via Pinterest and my social media sites too:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

Blogmas for kids and parents

Hi all I hope Saturday is going well for you so far. This year I am doing Blogmas, so as of tomorrow I will be posting a blog everyday on either of my various sites, including this one up until Christmas day (25th Dec).

Here are the links to my other sites:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

It is going to be tough but I really wanted to do this as I still got so many things I would like to share before Christmas and before the end of the year.

If there is a topic you would like me to post or there is a favourite topic I have already shared but you would like me to post more of then please let me know. Any suggestions can be left in the comments section below.

You can keep up to date on all my blogs by following me on WordPress.com.

I also have a Pinterest page and social media, where I share many things on these too. Please see the links to these below:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

Have a great rest of the day and many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Watch “How to Get Through Christmas as a Single Mum l Life in the Cottage” on YouTube

This is another great video talking about How to Get Through Christmas as a Single Mum.

No I’m not a single mum but appreciate that there are and have friends who are too and being someone who has often struggled being a two parent family don’t know how some parents do it single handily.

Not only that when my parents got divorced Christmas did become very difficult and as a child you feel guilty about spending Christmas with one parent and not the other, so I can’t imagine how I would feel if I had to be without my son and if me and my husband split and Henry had to be choose.

Please see video below:

If you have any further tips on single parenting then please share by leaving a comment below.

You can keep up to date with all my blogs by following on WordPress.com.

I also write on these sites too:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.com

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie x

Watch “Finding Work-Life Balance! Productivity tips for working parents!” on YouTube

This is a brilliant video by Jordan Paige about Finding Work-life Balance! Productivity tips for working parents.

We are constantly juggling but following these tips can help ease the pressure and lower load you have to do.

If you have tips on on Work-life Balance and being productive as a working parent then please share by commenting below.

You can keep up to date on all my blogs on this site by following me on WordPress.com.

I also write blogs on these sites too:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com

Have a good rest of the week.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie x

Celebrating the Festive Cheer with your kids and gift guide

I am so in the mood for Christmas this year that I have already started getting those gifts. I have Christmas music playing from Youtube via my Now TV box to help rise my mood and get me even more excited and ready.

I have been there where its been a mad rush and wanted it to be over, I hate shopping this time of year in the shops because there are those people who don’t care if you are in front of them or not and will knock you out of the way as if you aren’t there, but my first tip in celebrating the festive cheer with your kids,

is to get in early. 

As we move closer to the 25th of December the busier the stores are on the high street and to be honest some items can workout to be cheaper when bought online, plus you can get different items online compared to the high street, so the second tip is,

if you have never shopped online before and you have access to the internet take a look and a lot of stores now can deliver to your local store to pick up or example on sites such as Amazon you can have some items delivered to a local newsagents for example if you are worried about not being at home for the delivery. 

The one thing my son hates the most is when we go shopping as he literally will decide that he will lay on the floor, sit down or run around. What I tend to do and this is my third tip,

Get them involved so have them hold the list, carry the basket and tick things off, or find items for you, or if this isn’t an option as lets face it when it is busy we all can get pissed off, if you have someone with you who can look after them and take them to a softplay cafe, a coffee so they can have a bite to eat and a drink too or even, making sure they are wrapped up as it is getting rather cold now, to a local park or have someone baby sit your children indoors, whilst you go out to the shops then it can save you from getting flustered and them having a tantrum. 

I haven’t gotten my decorations out yet as I like to do mine in December, its just how I like it and the same for my husband. When we do though I am planning on adding some items, and decorate my sons room a lot more and I asked him if he would like his own Christmas Tree this year and he said yes, so I will be finding a small tree for his room too.

This leads me to my fourth tip. Get them involved in the decorating even when it comes to putting them away, this really helps with transitioning them into the next season and time of the year. Let them choose some items, like for example our calendar this year was chosen last Christmas by our son, because he loves trains. 

Our 2019 Calendar chosen by our son

Have your kids design some Christmas decorations, like making the decor for the tree, gifts such as my son got for his birthday a Decorate your own dinosaur ornament and kit. Using this time of year to have fun helps your kids become excited and see that its not all about spending money but about making gifts personal and can be more sentimental.

If you are looking for gifts for your kids then leading on tip number five,

you can get personalised books. Henry has two, one which I read today which is all about Henry birthday being stolen by a birthday thief and has to keep reading to find out if he gets it back. Brilliant story Then he has another one which was bought and created online by my mum, who put a lovely personalised message inside and is all about what he may choose to become when he is older. 

I love reading to Henry and he does too, he since he was a bubby found it soothing and enjoys it so much that he will often tell me now which book he wants to be read to him.

Last year I bought him and my niece too a book about Paddington taking his Auntie around London, and seeing the sites, and is a pop up book of all the famous sites in London. This one was bought from Whsmiths, but I am sure there are many more out there. Yes it was a bit pricey but one that I know will last him for a long time and can be passed down to other children he may have when he is older.

A book can last a lifetime but toys can last for 5 minutes as children will often chop and change their mind about what they love quite regularly. The one book that Henry still loves and has done since he was a baby is Each Peach Pear Plum, and this book in fact was secondhand given by another mum, so you see a book is educational as reading helps children to write and be a favourite for many a child.

I am not saying don’t buy a toy, but if you are not sure of what toy to buy then a book is as far as I am concerned a good option if they haven’t already got the one you are thinking of buying, and this leads me to tip number 6,

Always ask their parents or keep observing your children to check on what they are currently into. If for example they like Buses, then why not create them a voucher to do a bus tour, and if you check out sites such as Groupon, they often do offers. At the moment they are doing a Bus tour offer for one child and one adult with 56% off, around London to see the Christmas lights and you could add this to their Avent Calendar.

https://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/gl-premium-tours-ltd-39?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=uk_dt_sea_ggl_txt_dsa_sr_cbp_ch1_nbr&gclid=Cj0KCQiAiNnuBRD3ARIsAM8KmlscjLdoNAqC93JnUdNgA0PcWRDF8LbPZx5JXNMO4h3pl9N3uBIWj3gaAovJEALw_wcB

This leads me to tip number 7, make a personalised Avent Calendar if you don’t want your child to have too much chocolate. I am doing this, this year for my son, and ordered gift boxes and stickers from Amazon, and my mum gave me some items from what she kept from last years Christmas Crackers not been used, for some of the boxes, and will buy just a few more items to add to the boxes. 

You can make it as fun and as personal as possible, like adding some jewellery, a key ring, a badge, a small toy car, with a few sweets and chocolates included if you so wish.

If they like writing then my next tip number 8 is to get them an easel, a word puzzle book, colouring, an activity book or just a notebook. Include a personalised pen, or a fun one which can change different colours. 

My son loves his easel and really has encouraged him to draw, learn his letters, numbers and spellings. I even used it as a scoreboard as he often uses the legs at the bottom as a goal with a little ball when playing football.

If they like to sing and you have a family including adults around at Christmas who regularly like to sing then this leads me to tip number 9,

why not get a Karoake machine. I remember one office Christmas party had one, only a small one, but it was very fun. 

I know a lot of people may think this is outdated but my father inlaw often goes to a Karoake and gets up to do a few numbers, or buy the kids in your life a toy piano or a keyboard, a set of drums, a mouth organ or even a microphone, it really can keep your kids entertained for hours, just have them locked in a room if possible until daytime if your walls are thin because I am sure you wouldn’t appreciate it if someone next door were playing drums at 5am in the morning.

Then there is the food, and the one thing I used to love as a kid was my Nan (my mums, mum) would let us stir the Christmas pudding that she made ahead of time for Christmas. This leads me to tip number 10, have Children set the table and help with the food, such as the baking, or make the pigs in blankets, making sure of course that they wash their hands first and hair is tide back. 

I would always even as a kid set the table with my auntie and my mum. Christmases as a kid were very much traditional and I loved it every year and would every year pop to C and A in High Street Kensington to choose my Christmas outfit.

This leads me to tip number 11. Let your kids dress up for Christmas if they choose too, I have already bought and planned my outfit and bought a dress for the Festive period, which will include Christmas day even if I am working. It is a great time of the year to dress up and have as much fun as possible, for you and your kids. 

So I hope this has given you some tips and tricks in celebrating the festive cheer with your kids and get you in the mood including a gift guide.

If you do get stuck still on what to buy and how to plan for Christmas then the one place I always go to is Youtube. This time of year is full of Christmas guides and tips, so go and check them out.

I will be posting more and even may even post another one before next week as there is so much I want to post, but see how I go, you never know with being a parent what might crop up and ruin your plans.

If you have advice on how to celebrate the festive cheer with your kids and gift ideas of your own that you wish to share then please feel free to share below, I would love to know. If you’d like to be kept up to date with my blog posts on this site, then please follow me on WordPress.com.

I also write on these sites too:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: Please check out my Pinterest and my social media pages where I post pictures and my blog posts too:

 

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

https://twitter.com/carrie82434764

 

 

 

Having a Premature baby and some things you may not have known

Me and my son Henry in a rare Selfie 

I realised after thinking about my blogs I write on this site, that I don’t think I have ever covered the subject of Premature birth, even though Henry was a Premature baby.

As it was Henry’s birthday last week and bought back some memories as it does every year, thought I would talk about having a premature baby now, and some information which you may not have known prior to having a baby.

Having a Premature baby can be a massive shock, of course it can be the same for full term babies, but I honestly had no idea that Henry was going to be born early. I had come to the conclusion in my head that Henry would be born as planned in January 2014, not in November 2013, and I remember coming across a article in a mother and baby magazine about the subject of premature births and thought “I don’t need to read that it will be okay” and really felt bad about that afterwards, when Henry was born at 31 weeks.

I really wished I hadn’t be so dismissive and read the article because  I think from my own opinion and what I have learned since this happened, you should be some what prepared should it happen because it is more common premature births than what you may think.

My waters broke on the Saturday the 9th November and even when that happened until looking back I hadn’t realised that it was my actual waters breaking. It hadn’t occurred to me, not having a baby before and thought it was too early.

I was about to watch the new series of Dracula at 9pm and suddenly all this water started pouring out of me like a massive tidal wave. I had no idea as to what to do, and so found my paper work that hospital gave me should anything happen like serious pains or bleeding, but nothing about what to do if your waters broke early than expected. I called the number on the sheet anyway but it was a messaging service and then called my mum.

In the end as we live luckily live just around the corner from our local hospital, rushed around their and went to the delivery ward.

I got to say from the moment we reached the delivery ward they took action and were brilliant. I had no idea as to what was going on, and was very distressed because I didn’t know if I was going to lose my baby or if I would suddenly give birth. NO IDEA!

I ended up being transferred to another hospital because our local one doesn’t deliver babies before 34 weeks and they thought that the babies head was engaged and so could possibly give birth.

That didn’t happen and the nurses at our local hospital got that wrong, but I still glad they did what they did. When we got to the other hospital my blood sugar level was going up and up, and apparently my heart rate was going berserk too.

In the end by early hours of Monday, once the hospital staff at the other hospital saw that Henry’s heart rate kept dropping, decided that he should be born and was born by C Section at 1:30am at 31 weeks.

Apparently before this I was contracting and only felt one thing, and that was a tightening in my stomach from my ribs down to my tummy. I am still to this day sure if this was an contraction because not having one before I had and still have no idea really as to what one is like, so still not sure if I felt the contractions or not but apparently they were happening.

I know someone wrote an article about how C Sections is a lazy form of child birth but let me tell you, SO TOTALLY WRONG. The decision of having my son, Henry at that time was taken out of my hands and I could see how ever much it was distressing at the time for me, that the staff I could see had mine and the babies best interests at heart and wanted Henry to be born with as little problems as possible.

As far as I am concerned it was the best decision, because they discovered when they had delivered Henry that he got caught with the umbilical cord around his neck and that’s why he was a getting distressed and why his heart rate was dropping.

Never feel bad about which way your baby was born especially by Cesarean because you do what you have to do, and if it saves you and the baby’s life what is more important?

Some other things you may not have known:

• Your waters can break from usually 26 weeks and you have sacks around the sack with the baby in, which can leak and that is what happened in my case as in the end my son’s wasn’t engaged but something caused the sack to leak and they gave me antibiotics as soon as they saw what was happening and once you are open downstairs, because the sack has leaked it means that you can catch an infection up your vagina which in turn can effect you and the baby. Check out this article on NHS which has further details: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/premature-early-labour/ and Tommys.org too
• Anyone even healthy people can get Gestational diabetes which was in my case and this can rise rapidly when pregnant, so do get tested if they send you to do a Oral Glucose Intolerance Test do it and if you are concerned do speak with your health professional, doctor or midwife about it. Once Henry was born though my blood sugar levels returned to normal, so please try not to freak out.
• Once your baby is born sorry to inform you but this is a warning as I wasn’t aware until I had it and wish I had, but I ended up having Piles and I know another mum did too. Very, very painful, but check with your health advisor, midwife or doctor as there are creams and medication. Check before you buy, because some oral medications may not a be able to be taken if you are breastfeeding.
• Babies make a lot of noise, more than you can expect. Neither myself or my husband knew this, and the first night we bought Henry home neither of us got much sleep as we were not prepared for that at all, and they can do this thing where they hold their breath and then breath again. Very scary but you do get used to it, and if you ever are concerned do please speak to your health visitor.
• Getting your boobs ready for producing milk can be hard work, but once you get used to it, it can become easier and if I were to do it again, I would have seeked out breastfeeding counselling, which does exist as it can stress you out and you can feel defeated when you see other mums producing a cup fall when you can’t produce a single drop. Massaging and using a warm flannel to help warm up your boobs, can help. Always use an electrical express pump not a manual, as it can take a very long time.
• If they tell you that you need to express 8 to 12 times a day, please don’t feel you need to follow exactly that, because a lot of that is what they have been advised to tell you and because that is the guide line. When I didn’t and rested as that is so important too, get rest and sleep, I produced a lot more milk compared to when I did do it that amount of times with little sleep.
• Get your hospital bag ready as soon as you hit the 25 week mark as I didn’t and it was a massive rush in the end, and one item that I never listed but would advise you to do so, is to have coldsore and moisturizer, because hospitals can be very dry places and if you are prone to coldsores, then the chances are you may get one. which in turn in my case I couldn’t visit Henry for about a week until it had cleared because of course in the neonatal ward there are other babies and they can if not careful can easily get infected.
• The neonatal ward can be a very intense and distressing place as when your baby is born premature, from that point forward you have no idea what will happen from each day to the next. Sorry to be abrupt but it is true and so my advice take a deep breath and if you need to have time to be on your own take the time, but it is important you see your baby because your baby will recognise your voice and when you hold them for the first time and they hold your finger helps you bond with your baby, and get to know them.
• The monitoring screens and wires attached to your baby can play tricks with your mind and there was one day where I was watching it like a hawk. My advice block them out and if your baby looks peaceful and okay, then they are okay and if you have any questions for the neonatal staff, ask because they will give you a peace of mind and reassurance, which often is what we need.
• The bath technique can kill your arm as even when they are tiny they wriggle and can wince, and once home you can often find your own technique. Take your time and again if you need help from the neonatal staff whilst your child is there that is a great opportunity to ask any questions and raise any concerns you have.
• One advantage about having a child in the special care baby unit, which really noone if truth were to be told, would really ever want to be in, the staff help prepare you more for when it is time to take your baby home, and you can in our case, spend the night in the neonatal ward the night before you take your baby home.They can send you home with your baby around the 35 week mark and can inform you literally the week before. Sometimes with a full term baby you don’t get this attention and can be left in limbo and sent home. 
• Babies should be in a crib or Moses basket when they are first at home, not a cot, especially as they can still be tiny. Make sure their feet touch the bottom of their crib or basket, with blanket around them, away from their face, and never cover their face.
• Don’ trust free nappies at baby shows, because in our case they were rubbish and so when Henry had a massive pooh explosion the nappies didn’t hold any of the pooh and was all down our sons legs and in his babygro. Sorry to put you off your food if you are eating but I have to tell you this because the more prepared you are the more I hope it will save you from getting distressed which can happen especially when you first bring you child home, and can save yourself a lot of time and have more time to recuperate whilst baby is happy sleeping.
• They can grow teeth very early. The midwife I worked with when I used to give tips and advice on Avent products, because I worked for the company for a little while told me that her daughter was born with a full grown milk tooth.
• Your C Section scar can become sore. When I did my first 10K run in 2014 after I had my son and crouched down once run was complete, boy did my scar hurt and was not aware and did catch me by surprise.
• When babies reach the 8 week mark they are classed as full term babies by then, and I was advised not to do any form of exercise until I had my 8 week check.
• Do practice your Pelvic Floor which is allowed after baby and you return home and the nurses will usually give you advice and a leaflet on this, as after baby is born you can end up quite loose down their and have embarrassing leaks.
• Babies can have what I used to call “Milk snots” where basically they have milk coming out of their nose. Again my husband and I had no idea and when it first happened when Henry was in his cot in the neonatal ward were both in complete shock, the neonatal nurse was like “Yes that’s normal”, we were like “How come no one told us?”. It can be a nasty shock if you have never had or looked after a baby before who’s had this. It can feel like you are in a scene in an Alien film.
• The painkillers that they give you in the hospital after you have had a baby and the numbness wears off, as they numb you from I would say the rib cage to your private area before your C Section, and the surgery room was very cold. I was shivering, but the painkillers can have some side effects. The main one was that I couldn’t read a book as the lines were wavy and disorientated.
• I didn’t sleep for two days only on the Tuesday once Henry was born, as they prick your finger if you have gestational diabetes every half hour to an hour, because of my blood sugar level being so high and was attached to two drips, which made it very hard to go to the toilet and had to use a bedpan. I managed to find a way to pee whilst it was on the bed and I didn’t have to go very far.
• This leads me to the next thing. Your dignity can go right out of the window, but you end up not caring.
• The hospital after Henry was born gave me the option to go home on the Thursday after Henry was born or go back into another ward. I was because of my situation put in a single ward, but it depends on the hospital but due to needing the room for another patient which I totally respect was offered to go into another ward with other people or go home. It is entirely your choice, and if you decide to go home, remember your baby is being very much cared for in the neonatal ward and you can spend as much time in the neonatal ward as you like, as in our case the staff there encouraged us to be as involved in our baby’s care as much as possible.
• Expect a lot of bleeding after having a baby and can stop for a bit whilst breastfeeding.
• You need as much rest as possible. Yes it is good to be active whilst pregnant but it is especially once your baby is born that you allow yourself time to properly recover as any kind of birth going on my own experience is hard and your body is traumatized. You have delivered another human for heavens sake, so it can take its toll on you, and it can be a culture shock.
• Other relatives are not allowed to hold your baby in the neonatal ward, because of infection. This may have changed but be aware and do wash and tell your friends and family visitors to wash their hands, as it did bother me when people didn’t when I always made sure my family and friends did. Being in the neonatal ward is hard and so the less you have to worry about the better.
• All belongings are kept in the clockroom outside the neonatal ward too and the staff may refuse you from taking photos, in our case you wasn’t allowed a mobile phone in the neonatal ward but we were allowed to take a photo with a normal camera.
• The hospital staff will usually give you some information once your baby has been born preterm about premature birth and what to expect, but I think this should be given prior to having a baby aswell, because even though it can still be a shock you can have some idea of what to expect and give you more reassurance that its not all doom and gloom, even though it may seem so at the time, and often your baby is okay and will still thrive from being born so early.
• Do read the stories and letters from other parents outside the neonatal ward if you can, as these really helped make me feel better when I did worry about our son in the ward.
• Premature babies can often have difficulty in breathing at first, and will be given different type of breathing equipment to help them. Henry had a C-Pap, but was off this after a day or so, and you are often if your waters do break and there is a chance the baby may be delivered early be given an injection to help the baby’s lungs, to help them breathe if they arrive.
• Babies can develop jaundice. Nothing to be too alarmed about as they will usually test this early as soon as they are born, and if they are on the line or under they will usually be put them under a blue light with a face mask over their eyes to protect them, and can recover from this quite quickly. You can often tell if they are slightly jaundice as they can be a yellowy colour.
• You may need a special insert for the car seat as the normal baby car seats can be too big, and at our hospital they provided this or you, which you did have to pay for, or you can get these elsewhere. Check this link on Amazon for an example: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kiddy-41905EK008-Premature-Inlay/dp/B00DGF0F2E  
• There are tiny baby nappies and clothes, but you can bring in normal size nappies not clothes, to use on your baby in the neonatal ward too.
• Don’t use wipes when baby is first born but use warm water and cotton balls and expect their pooh to be black like tar and sticky.
• Babies will tend to lose a bit of weight at first and then gain weight afterwards.
• I know this may seem obvious but many parents including us got this wrong when first nappy changing our son. The nappy goes on with the end with the sticker strips at the back of the baby (so the bottom) and you attach the strips at the front of the nappy with the smaller part at the front of your baby. If you have a baby boy make sure their penis is pointing downwards not up. Very important because they can leak out of the nappy and pee can come shooting out over the top, making you change it again.
• Lay the clean nappy under the dirty one (so the one you are changing) because often than not, they can pee and pooh before you have put the fresh one on. Check out his video by Emily Norris of Baby Changing Hacks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eALsRJctUSY
• Change their nappy before they have had their milk as do it afterwards, they can bring up their milk.
• With Henry because he ended up having reflux was given Infant Gaviscone in his milk, which were sachets and read the instructions before giving this and the neonatal staff will usually give you instructions on how to apply this, but can only have a certain amount per day, so do check before using. Please see link for an example of this product: https://www.your-pharmacy.co.uk/gaviscon-infant-sachets/prd-0146650?gclid=Cj0KCQiAtrnuBRDXARIsABiN-7BY8qhAC8yJQ4mnNWt43jQB4ZFU170QSMOGOB9H292566zVvpzV6rUaAup4EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
• They may advise for no visitors for about a week or so once you bring your child home and if anyone has a cold, be polite but keep them away, as children that are born premature are more likely to get ill too especially being still tiny and this can lead to serious consequences. Any children visiting make sure they are out of uniform and have been cleaned and showered, and again make sure they have washed their hands before holding your baby for the first time.

• I was shocked when hearing this, but one of the neonatal staff told us how one child was given a piece of food when they were first bought home by a visitor and was rushed to hospital because they almost choked. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS AND ADVISE ALL VISITORS TO NEVER TRY, AS IT MAY BE A BIT OF FUN TO THEM BUT NOT WHEN YOUR CHILD IS CHOKING AND BEING RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

• If your baby is returned to the hospital doesn’t mean they will return to the special care ward, but to a normal ward with other different aged babies and can often get further infections. Please do not think I am scare mongering but wanting you to be aware in case you didn’t know and glad I was told, because it did make continue to be vigilante and we can often forget when we are at home, in a normal environment, and it can happen.
• When a baby cries doesn’t always mean their hungry, and make sure you feed them again, if it is for example 4 hours it is from when they first began their feed not after their feed has finished, and we did get that wrong. Don’t worry as a child will never go hungry and will give you signs like, they will move their head and lips to indicate they are hungry, and never have a room too hot, as they an overheat and in Henry’s case got more distressed and felt the warm more when it was hot rather than cold. Of course every child is different but a room doesn’t have to be overly warm, just comfortable, and don’t put their cot if you can help it by a door or window because there can often be a draft, and keep away from a radiator.
• One item to invest in,is a room thermometer. So handy and you get different ones. Check out this link on Amazon for examples: https://www.amazon.co.uk/
• They can grow very rapidly and so don’t over do it with premature or full term baby clothes and nappies because with Henry some clothes didn’t even get worn, and same for the nappies. I found at one point I was clearing out his draws quite a lot, every week, because their growth spurts can be every week or more. You can usually tell if they are having a growth spurt because they can become extra hungry, so feed more and doing new things which you may not have seen before and have more dirty nappies. the more they grow, eat and drink the more waste can come out of their bodies. BELIEVE ME!
• Always have a thermometer to check their temperature and you can get ones which measure both baby and their room, as sometimes you can’t always tell if they have a temperature and I didn’t know this until it happened and speaking with another mum who’s son was also born premature at the same time as Henry and were in the same ward, and hospital is that they are prone to getting chest infections when born premature. Not sure why, it didn’t seem as if the doctor knew why, but from his knowledge and expertise discovered this to be the case. A cold can often lead to a nasty chesty cough, which can lead to a chest infection, and Henry was given antibiotics and an inhaler with a mask that you put over their mouth and nose because they at an early age unable to inhale on their own and independently as of yet.
• They can put anything into their mouths up to in our case 6 years old, especially if like Henry they have development delay and still use their mouth as a sensor to test and get to know different things they handle.
• Same goes for chewing, Henry keeps chewing his clothes and you just have to be persistent to let them know that this has to stop now but to use their hands and talk. If they are chewing something say “We don’t chew that, we do this” and show them.
• Children usually learn through pictures, sounds and actions, rather than by words, and if you can make learning fun rather than structured you can get better results sometimes, again depends on the child.
• Don’t trust all bottles and teats as some babies can often take to different ones. We wasted money one brand and was advised to use another because our son didn’t take to the teat. If your child does struggle drinking from a bottle do seek support as in our case they advised us of the best one to use, which was an Avent bottle Variable flow teat.
• Premature babies can have more have difficulty at times to latch onto the breast. Please do not be put off or disheartened as all babies are different, and some take to the breast rather than the bottle, so just try what is best at the end of the day for you and your baby.
• The neonatal ward will often sterilize your bottles and teats for you, you may just have to provide the bottles and nappies, etc.
• They may have some clothes to hand in the ward, but do help them by having your own aswell.
• Babies often like to be swaddled as it gives the feeling of being held still and can feel restless if their arms are constantly free, and if you are not sure how to do this get the neonatal staff to show you.We had a swaddle blanket which was very kindly bought for us by family, can’t remember who and came in handy. Check out this Swaddle Blanket on Very for an example: https://www.very.co.uk/  Check out this video below of how to Swaddle a baby in a blanket: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikBYRi5f32g
• Henry would become wide awake and stare at lights when he was first born, as often they are attracted by lights. Everything to them is new so let their eyes explore and do talk to them as you’ll be surprised as to what they take in.
• Some babies and going on Henry when he was first born, loved being winded and it was how we first bonded as mother and son. He found it comforting and would, you may not believe me but it’s true, move his head forward to be winded and this was whilst he was still in hospital. You will be surprised as to how they communicate to you so small, but they do TRUST ME ON THAT ONE!
• The dream feed doesn’t always work, because babies can often sense when they are back in their crib or cot and come alive at midnight. My advise use calm music and do tell them quietly that you are going to return them to their cot during their feed, and try not to talk then on as this can cause them to become alert. Keep voice low and calm, and as you would before their midnight feed create a ritual so they start to know by music, lighting and quietness that bedtime is coming up again.
• Indications like certain songs, even bubbles and lighting can help children learn what is coming up next and really helps with different transitions, as no one likes being landed in the deep end without a warning and babies are the same, they like being given a sign and indication, and it helps them learn about when its morning, lunch time and evening. THE MORE INDICATIONS YOU USE THE BETTER THEIR UNDERSTANDING IN MY BOOK!

I hope this has covered everything and if you are due to having a baby then congratulations, and from my own experience try to keep yourself relaxed and calm as possible. If something makes you fearful about having your baby or lowers your mood, turn it off and just prepare yourself, but practice self care as much as you can, as you do need to put yourself first and others second when pregnant, more often than not.

Please do not feel I am contradicting myself by giving the advice above, I just wanted to tell you because there are many things I didn’t know, which you don’t get told, which I wished I had so I could prepare and have items like Piles cream, coldsore cream, what not to buy and be aware of how to deal with such things should they have occurred. Little details make a difference aswell as the bigger details.

If you are reading this and had a baby and have other tips and advice for new mums please share. You can leave a comment below.

You can keep up to date on all my blogs on this site by following me on WordPress.com and I also write on these sites too:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: I am also on Pinterest and social media, please see the links below:

 

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

https://www.facebook.com/czavonuk/

 

Twitter

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Arranging a birthday party/Never try to please everyone its truly impossible

Picture of where Henry (my son) had his birthday party this year . Was at the Leatherhead Gymnaisum.

 

Have you ever arranged a birthday party for 30 or so children and got to the point where you wish the ground could swallow you up?

Don’t feel bad if you have because trust me you are not alone. Today it was my son’s birthday party, which we held at the gymnasium in Leatherhead and as much as all the kids loved it including Henry as he cried when he got home because he didn’t want it to be over, I am glad it is.

Tip 1# If you do choose this venue for a birthday party or any place that has a coffee and tea machine provided make sure they can provide milk for it, we didn’t realise they didn’t and they hadn’t mentioned it when it was booked, or when we went to see the venue before the party so we could get an idea of the setting, which should have been done. 

At the end of the day you are paying a lot of money so if you see they have such a machine do ask about milk and why they don’t provide it especially when guests arrive and they have to pay for it. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, it was good to see the mums from Henry’s school, family and a friend who we know outside school, whilst the kids played but I was very happy when it was all over and done.

When it comes to arranging a birthday party:

• I would save as much as you can from the day after the party or from their birthday to the next year. I am so glad I set aside some money for it, because it really did help matters. I will admit we did have help with financing the birthday party, because we in no means would have been able to do it, if not, but I am still glad I set some money aside that would help us too. This will continue on for next year. 
• Have an idea a year ahead of what you plan to do even if nothing is booked, but don’t be set upon it as children’s likes and dislikes of things can change. Example: They may like Peppa Pig now, but this can soon change, so just have an idea, but try and keep note by observing your child every now and again, to see what they really are into, as often we can lose track.
• Do have a budget and create a spreadsheet, a diary or a log book of who is coming, what you will need and how much everything will cost. You do not need to spend the earth on items. Invitations you can make your own, if you have a computer and a printer then away you go. Other option make them and get your kids involved. I got all our items from Sainsbury’s, Poundland and ASDA.
• Shop around and do some research before buying. If I can buy and save at the same time I do.
• When selecting the venue find out about parking, what public transport there is and take note of the address so you can inform your guests, and check out the venue first before decorating so you have an idea of the space and area you will have.
• Anything that can save you time as there are other things to need to worry about other than making sure every kid has a balloon for example and delegate if you can. Never try to do it all yourself because lets face it we are only one person. You will find that many parents will help out on the day too and if they offer and there is stuff to be done TAKE THEM UP ON IT AS THEY MAY NOT OFFER AGAIN!
• Anything that yo can do ahead of time do it. Trust me it will be a god send in the end.
• Plan your outfit and I made this mistake but will learn next time, which will be in a couple of years, because I am not giving Henry a birthday party every year, as I do think its important to do different things, and it is expensive to do it every year, but paint my nails a day or two ahead. I wasted so much time painting my nails, because they smudged and I got nail varnish on another finger as I was trying to put the lid back on the nail polish, that in the end I gave up.
• Never try to please everyone as it is just truly impossible. There was a person moaning during the party, not naming names and I just thought to myself “Just ignore” at the end of the day you aren’t there to make everyone happy but be accommodating yes because there will be those who can’t eat certain food or drink that is okay, but you can’t give everyone what they want because it just not possible, especially when you are on a tight budget. If you have a sulky child or a moany person then just let them get on with it.
• Do your best and be there to greet your guests, and give instructions when they arrive of what to do, where to go and what will be happening. This helps you and them, so there are less surprises than need be.
• If you do have items not used such as food, then why not give it to guests to take home and like we did this evening used some of the leftovers for our dinner in the evening. THE MORE YOU SAVE THE LESS YOU WASTE!

So I really hope if you have a birthday party coming up that you find this information helpful and if you need to take a few moments to have a breather and just adjust yourself, have a glass of wine to relax then take it, because lets face it, children can be challenging and managing 30 of them can make you just what go “NNOOO”. Anyway time for me to chill out and have some time to rest and recuperate as its another birthday party tomorrow, but thankfully not my child again. It’s nice when it is someone else’s turn.

If you have any good tips of arranging a kids birthday party then I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below.

You can keep up to date with all my blogs on this site by following on WordPress.com and I also write on these sites too:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Have a fantastic evening and weekend.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: I am on Pinterest and on social media (Please see below):

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Twitter

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Handling half term blues/time for spooks today

For some schools it was half term in the UK last week, but this week my son has been on half term, and it’s not quite gone to plan. Monday I took Henry to a park in Putney near the river thames, and because I forgot his ball which I remembered once we got there he was completely miserable for most of the day.

I tried to explain that I had forgotten it but there are swings in the park and we can sit by the river to watch some boats, seagulls, planes fly over, trains, buses and may see a few helicopters, which my son is obsessed with at the moment, however he was still fixated about his ball.

He did cheer up in the end once he had a complete meltdown, and I felt like a complete failure. I did think about his ball, but in the end because I wanted to get there early so not to be back home too late, didn’t think about the ball until we got the park.

Kids can get obsessed with items its part of how they built their likes and dislikes, and so the next day I did bring his ball, as we went to Wimbledon Park and he was my friend again.

To handle half time blues:

• I have got down to his level and talked it through with him and got him to focus on the other things he loved and in the end on Monday, we did have a good time sitting by the river watching the world go by. If you do feel yourself wanting to scream, what I did is let it out quietly so I did weep a little, whilst trying not to see my son see my cry and then brushed myself off and concentrated on the time we had together.
• Count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 which is the Mel Robbins technique, which I share a lot about on my other blog site Everyone Can Built A Castle, or count to 10 in your head if this counts
• If you are with someone else, take a few seconds out. Putting children in timeout hasn’t always work but getting yourself out of the situation for a few seconds can help wonders

On Tuesday after we had been to Wimbledon Park, I surprised him by meeting Nanny (my mum) for lunch up London. Result! Not gloating, but that’s how you feel when things do go to plan. He did still kick off a little because the one thing Henry struggles with but can do with persistence, is waiting, but once he saw nanny he was all smiles again.

If your son has ADHD and struggles to wait try:

• Getting them to focus on something. Reading the book The Baby Whisper, hits the nail on the hand with this one, and is useful because it can work, depending on the child. What I did was say to Henry “See if you can spot someone we know” and he did.
• If you are waiting for a train or bus, get them to see how many different numbers they can guess of the buses, which was one thing we did on Monday, which worked, and this helps them wait for when its time to get on their bus or train.

The one thing they said at school is that he won’t sit down for very long, but on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, he has. It is often is dependent on what it is, because he sat there lovely yesterday especially watching the birds and the ducks, so if there is something that gets their concentration, then use it.

Yesterday we were out for most of the day. I took him to Battersea Park, where there is a pond, an area to play football which we did and played the crossbar challenge, sat and had our sandwiches that I took with us, and some snacks and then watched the birds by the pond and then walked along the river up to Fulham Broadway. We did have to stop a few times as children do get tired quite quickly but we still did it, and Henry loved walking along the river, going over the bridge and then he got to go passed Chelsea Football club, which I wanted him to see. I wanted to show him a big football stadium, I would love to take him to a match at Stamford Bridge, but just walking passed seeing his face light up I could still he got something out of it.

Henry still had a few meltdowns throughout the day yesterday, because he finds it hard to change from doing one thing to another, but once I showed him that we are going there and perhaps I should print off pictures and map to show him next time to see if this will help, he was fine and as said in the end stopped getting frustrated which is a lot to do with it and didn’t want to go home.

Today he had a bit of meltdown too because we are stopping in for part of the day, but I have an eye screening appointment at my local hospital and then later (my husband and I) are going to take him over to Wimbledon to get his feet measured in Clarks, a great place to get kids shoes, to possibly get Henry some new trainers.

Quick tip# If children start to trip over a lot with their shoes, it is a possible sign that their shoes need changing and their feet are starting to grow out of them.

In any case he really did kick off and I felt myself heat up, so sat down in the Living room and then took a deep breath went back to him and calmly explain things to him trying to use simple words and to see that today we have to do other things but tomorrow we can do a park and walk by the river again.

He did calm down. I am finding talking it out with my son to be a lot more effective then raging which can be tempting, but I can see that this has no effect but can cause an even more a meltdown.

As it is Halloween, time for spooks today we have decorate our home for Henry and my husband too, we won’t be trickle treating but still going to have a bit of fun, going to see if I can make our dinner, burgers, Salad and chips, into something scary.

Even if your children aren’t trickle treating then it can still be a great day to dress up and have some spooking fun.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

You can keep up to date with my blogs by following me on WordPress.com and please share what you did this years half term and how you have handled the half terms blues, as a parent speaking and sharing things with other parents can really help. You can leave a comment below.

My blog sites:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: I am on Pinterest and social media aswell, so please check out these pages below:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

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Twitter

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Watch “I don’t like being a mom” on YouTube! BLOGMAS DAY 9. ITS OKAY!

HELLO AND WELCOME TO BLOGMAS DAY 9! ALL MY BLOGMAS POSTS CAN BE FOUND HERE IF YOU WANTED TO CATCH UP AND READ THESE ASWELL, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY IN THE LINK BELOW!

https://www.carriesrealworld.com 

I have had the following video in my drafts for a while because it hit “INSTANTLY” as soon as I saw the title “SPEAK OUT TO ME” and  I was really determined to today to share this, because it can challenging and true this time of the year.

Now this isn’t saying we don’t love our kids, we do, but there are times when they can be A NIGHTMARE and play up, moan because they don’t want to sit and eat their Christmas dinner and there are many things that people often won’t say, but what others are thinking because it may be misinterpreted, and no matter how much you try to avoid kids from arguing and kicking off, they try to do it.

KIDS WITHOUT BEING TAUGHT CAN PICK UP ON HOW TO PRESS SIBLINGS AND PARENTS BUTTONS TO CAUSE UPSET AND TEARS AND WHEN THEY DO, ITS NOT NICE!

So I wanted to share this video because of this and to show that these feelings are COMPLETELY NORMAL AND IT IS OKAY, WE STILL LOVE OUR KIDS EVERYDAY BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN EVERY WAY!

Check out the video below by Jessica Hover, and she does brilliant videos for parents and subjects that are not always mentioned but they do exist.

She is sharing about why “I don’t like being a mom”.

 

Our children if you show them aswell as tell them, know that you love them, but I do think about the life I once had. Pre-child  I would go to rugby with my friends and be able to stay out without worrying about being back to do bath time or be awake in time the next day for the school run, they were fun times and I do miss them.

This doesn’t mean I don’t love being with my son, I do, but when they won’t allow you to chat on the phone without them shouting down it or try to grab it from you, those are the moment I don’t enjoy.

ALL JOBS LIKE PARENTHOOD COMES WITH THINGS WE DON’T LIKE AND THAT’S A FACT.

This doesn’t mean I like my child any less, I don’t always like the work or the pooh explosions or the pinch scars, because my son couldn’t watch his TV programme, ITS HUMAN NATURE!

I don’t like everything about blogging, but I enjoy creating the content, I do get a buzz from when I see someone new following me on my blogs, but I don’t always like blogging because of editing and proof reading, I find it tedious.

 

I still love to blog because I love to share tips and tricks to support and inspire others, but that bit of the work I don’t enjoy. THAT’S OKAY!

So I hope that helps you if you feel like “I don’t like being a mum” but feel guilty for feeling that way, DON’T ITS OKAY, YOUR HUMAN AFTER ALL. Our kids don’t always like us, hence why they will kick off in a supermarket or when having a coffee, but when they give you cuddles or you sit and watch a Christmas film you both love and have a hot chocolate without no tears and tantrums, parenting can still be fun and you can still enjoy your children.

I wrote a blog yesterday which can relate to this blog, as I do find this lady empowering and inspiring and you can Use empowerment and inspiration when its just not your day, see below for details:

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/2019/12/08/using-empowerment-and-inspiration-when-its-just-not-your-day/

So I hope that this blog has helped you and I will be sharing more as we continue through to Christmas day, for Blogmas.

Check out my other sites below for recent blogmas posts:

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: You can also find my posts on my Pinterest and social media pages below too:

Pinterest:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesrealworl/

 

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/cazzasrealworld/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/carriesrealworld

https://www.facebook.com/Carries-Everyday-Living-and-lifestyle-261704010959953/

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Twitter

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Do What You Got To Do And Stop Feeling Guilty

Why I created this blog 

I created this blog site to share my experience and what I have learned as a new mum, and to give support as much as I can, and to keep it real.

Being a parent it is not always a “Fluffy story” we can often feel overwhelmed and it can knock-you-for-six. So when push comes to shove YOU DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO and we can often feel guilty for that.

• For example: When we feel too tired to play with your child who really wants you too help them build some Lego or when we have taken their favourite toy away because they have played up, not done as they have been told.

We as adults need respect from our kids and so when they misbehave it is good to make them understand that how they are behaving is wrong. 

We will get tired, it doesn’t have go be “Play time” all the time. 

 

Taking time out for ourselves and doing other things

Teaching children that you need time to  yourself and wanting to do other things, let’s them understand about giving people their own personal space and that its not “play time all the time”. Having quiet time, doing chores and errands, which I do schedule in my Google Calendar and I would recommend you do to, is just as important as having “play time”.

Scheduling your “quiet time” or “free time” to yourself just helps remind you and them that it is time to stop and do something else. We need to take time off the computer, from cleaning and running errands. For me, and I understand that it isn’t the same for everyone, but I find it helpful. Henry and my husband and I work better when we have a routine to our day.

You have to be able to recuperate and allow yourself some free time, how else are you supposed to recharge your batteries?

 

Why should we feel guilty?

That is a question I have often asked myself. There is no need. As parents we are learning too and we will get things wrong, it’s how we learn, all of us and no one is perfect.

When it comes to telling our children off, it is because we want them to be respectful to others. When people behave badly it doesn’t help them, because people will tend to stay away. It can effect them if they don’t learn to behave as kids to behave well for when they get older.

We want to install values, that is how they learn to be good and not bad

So telling your child “That is wrong, we say nice words not bad” that is okay.

It is important they learn what is right and wrong. We want them to be okay socially and interact well with others, that  is what how learn to build good relationships.

 

Having incentives and rewards

I have watched many a program where they have discussed about giving kids a reward and I feel from learning myself that this really does help our children. It helps them to understand that we often even as adults have to earn what we want in our lives.

Again, “why should we feel guilty about this?”. Constant judging I find a lot of the time and we are DOING WHAT WE GOT TO DO.

How can giving a reward to a child for doing a good thing, be a bad thing. 

For Henry this is really helping and it can be something really simple like:

• A sticker chart for good behaviour
• Chore chart as learning to make the bed for example helps teach them to look after their things and keep areas tidy and clean
• Extra play time activity
• A favourite snack of their choice

 

We are only human

That is exactly that. “We are only human” and we aren’t put on this earth to feel bad, but often as parents we do. We beat ourselves up, and become critical of ourselves and why?

There is no need to.

We are who we are.

Yes it is important to set a good example, but we also want our children as I have talked about in previous blogs, to express themselves, and to do that we should be able to express ourselves too. We want our kids to be themselves and so should we. We need to stop feeling bad or critical, because we feel due to comparing ourselves to the “So called perfect parent” that we aren’t doing a good job.

Let me tell you, you are and be kind to yourself. You are doing a fantastic job and its okay to say “Not now but we will do that later or tomorrow”.

Thank you to those who have followed my blog so far and if you would like to be kept up to date with my blog posts then you can do so by following me on WordPress.com. If you have tips or tricks of your own about parenting and you wish to share these on my site then you can do so by leaving a comment below:

If you didn’t read my previous blog then please check this out:

Effective communication/Getting kids to make decisions.

 

There is another great blog writer on WordPress.com who also shares and writes blogs about Motherhood and Parenting and that is:

https://thecoffeemamma.wordpress.com/

 

I also write other blogs on these sites aswell:

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

 

I really hope you have a great evening and rest of the week

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: I am also on Pinterest and social media (see below):

 

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So you give your child choice A or B…and they choose C. Now what? – The Parenting Network

WELCOME TO BLOGMAS DAY 3! IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW I AM BLOGGING EVERYDAY ON ONE OR MORE OF MY BLOG SITES UP UNTIL THE 25TH DECEMBER, AND IF YOU HAVE N’T READ MY LAST TWO BLOGS OF BLOGMAS THEN PLEASE CHECK OUT THE LINKS BELOW:

http://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/2019/12/02/practice-gratitude-to-be-thankful-to-help-be-more-positive-about-christmas/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/2019/12/01/the-first-blog-for-blogmas-make-your-own-advent-calendar-and-bring-romance-back-this-christmas/

The Parenting Network I discovered by researching other parenting sites, which comes as part of the job when blogging to find out what topics have already been covered by other bloggers and what I could add or do different that noone has talked about yet. With Parenting there are so many topics to share that would be helpful to other mums and dads, and I came across this article.

Through checking the Parenting Network I subscribed as they had some great tips and tricks, that can  help you with many parenting dilemmas, and here is one that really caught my attention.

http://theparentingnetwork.co.uk/so-you-give-your-child-choice-a-or-b-and-they-choose-c-now-what-2/?unapproved=365&moderation-hash=b5562227474a499722343fea0b12228a#comment-36

I often have this battle with my son where he will on some days choose option A and B, but then on some days will choose C and it can be like “Why have you chosen not to today what’s changed since yesterday?”.

In one had you want your child and in the article in the link above that I have shared talks about this too, is that you want your children to make choices because it is part of their independence but you still got to get out the door to school or in the car, and so what I tend to do is say “Okay so you don’t want your shoes on today, okay whys that don’t you want to go to school?” and this does make my son think and then “You know you have to go to school because you are there to make friends and learn, and you enjoy it so why don’t we put on our shoes and coat and I am sure you will be much happier and wanting to put on your shoes wants we are there”.

Talking to a child rather than shouting is the best way to communicate effectively with your child and can lower a tantrum that is brewing. Check out my blog about Effective Communication

So I hope you find this helpful should your child often choose option C and what you can do to help still get out of the house but allow them to learn that sometimes option C isn’t always a good choice, and option A or B is better instead.

If you have tips on how to help children make decisions and how to still get you and them out to school or to the shops when they refuse to on a particular day put on their coat and shoes then please comment below. All tips and tricks from others is well and truly welcome as the more we support we give to one another the better we can often feel that we aren’t on our own and there is a solution, which often we feel there isn’t.

To keep up to date with all my blogs you can follow me on WordPress.com, please check out my other sites below:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

So I will be back with another blog tomorrow and will try to post quite a few tomorrow (see how we go) but until them have a great rest of the day.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: You can also view my posts and others on my Pinterest and social media sites:

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Effective Communication/Getting kids to make decisions #parentingtipsandtricks

 

 

 

 

 

Working in customer service for many years and becoming a nursery assistant it is drummed into us about #effectivecommunication and it is important because the customer isn’t able to see what I am looking at and vice versa, especially when you have to speak to customers over the telephone.

Image from: https://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photography-boy-thinking-smart-trying-to-make-decision-finally-getting-idea-image35873047

 

 

 

You have to be clear and precise so they can understand what I need for them to do and I at the same time need to understand what they need help and support with.

When it comes to our own children, we can often get lost in translation and have #communicationbreakdown and can lead them and us feeling frustrated.

Henry (check out my previous blog: When times are tough) has had some behaviour issues, and from speaking with his teacher on Friday as it was his parents evening for him, she thought it was because he feels a bit overwhelmed with the new structured learning that the children have to do now they are in year 1, and he was struggling with this.

In the previous year at school in Keystage 1 (early years) it was a lot of learn and play rather than sitting down doing lessons, and Henry finds it hard to sit down for a long time and has to have intervals where he does some form of physical activity so his one to one teacher, will take him outdoors or in the hall (when raining) to play ball.

This is only for a certain amount of time, but helps him with each transition and doing different activities throughout his day. We have implemented this at home too.

The areas I have been working on myself:

• Mine and my husband’s own behaviour, as this can have an effect on our son too, and so we are making sure we are more polite to each other and practice kindness and consideration. Parental relationships with each other can effect our children if not careful so it is important you build on your own relationship aswell as the relationship with your child
• Our communication, my husband and I are on the same page and we both have the same intentions, and we both follow the routine we have and support each other.
• The way we communicate with Henry, so making sure we give clear simple instructions and have him say what he would like to do and what is upsetting him. Try and avoid the word “No” and give him choices and options.
• Getting our son’s input is so important as the more involved he is the more he can become independent and make choices and decisions by himself.
• Creating fun games, and worksheets and activities for Henry to learn at home and at the same time allowing him time out to play and do other activities such as screen time, watching TV or his tablet or play ball.

Image from: https://www.amazon.com/Kunmark-Building-Screwdriver-Educational-Construction/dp/B07NZPFV9J

 

Getting behind at school and building skills 

This is not comparing my son by any means to other children, but he is behind the other children in his class and we don’t want him to feel excluded because of that, so the more we can help and support his learning through effective communication and helping him make choices, the better it will be for him so he will eventually catch up.

He does attend some of this sit down sessions in his class but not for very long because he can become disruptive.

I know this will help improve his behaviour aswell, because at the moment where he is having one to one time at school whilst the other children are sitting down and learning, it is effecting his social skills with the other children in his class, and this in turn has changed his understanding of how to respond correctly and play with other children. To help this the school has now had Henry to return back to the early years classes on some days to get that interaction still.

 

Focus on what they can do not what they can’t 

When communicating effectively, try and focus on what they can do rather than what they can’t, and say to them for example when Henry has a strop about doing his homework “You can have your ball when you’ve had your treat and done your homework”.

He can still be defiant but I see from observing him, that he will think about this, so allow time for it to sink in and then he will sit on the sofa whilst we do his homework. The treat by the way is for if his has walked nicely to and from school and behaved at school and is a snack of his choice.

 

You don’t have to shout to get your point across 

Image from: https://www.dreamstime.com/illustration/angry-mom.html

The other communication behaviour I have stopped doing now is stop shouting and it has made me aware of my own voice when telling Henry something, as when I feel I am on the verge to shout, I take a deep breath steady my voice and then continue to talk. When I have shouted all that has happened is, Henry has just laughed and not taken me seriously at all and then I have gotten into having a tantrum myself. So instead I stay calm and say this is what we have done, now we are doing this and then you can do that, and it seems to be having a more better effect.

Also when Henry has misbehaved or about to kick off, I get to his level, so crouch down and hold his arms or shoulders gently and say “Henry look at me please” and then spoken to him keeping my language simple to help control him control his behaviour and not kick off.

I will say things like:

“You must behave at school and be nice to your teachers”

“Be kind, with kind words and say please and thank you”

“Listen to the teacher and do as they say otherwise they won’t play”

“When we don’t behave it makes us sad” and show them a picture of what sad looks like (I talk more about visual communication below) and I say “When we are good it makes us all happy” and again show them what happy is by making a visual reference.

Honestly it really helps

 

Using the naughty step and time out 

The naughty step never worked for me as we didn’t really have a step to do this on, so what I did instead was use a corner of the room or take him to his bedroom and say “Now calm down and then we will talk” and when I did this, it had a better response and he would calm down and we would go over what he did, and why it was wrong and then got him to say sorry, to then continue our day without bad behaviour.

 

Releasing a child’s unused energy

My son is full of energy and watching a TV program the other night called the “Britain’s naughtiest nursery” and there was a little boy like Henry, who would lash out and what they realised, the nursery nursers watching this child was that it was due to having so much energy, he didn’t know what to do with himself. So what they did to help this, they had the dad help the mum by helping his son use up his unreleased energy by bouncing him on this big large bouncy ball, and it meant that the mum could have a break, the son got to spend some fun time with dad and allowing the dad and little boy to bond a lot more.

A lot of the time when kids lash out its their way of either getting frustrated or because they are trying to communicate to you, because they want to play more or want more interaction. Many kids have a lot of energy that they need to get rid off. So now I will get Henry to do extra activities at home to help use up his energy which in turn helps him eventually to relax and control his behaviour a lot better.

 

Love and understanding 

Showing them love and understanding rather than getting annoyed with your child can have a massive effect and really helps them to calm down and say what they need to get off their chest better. Kids get insecure and overwhelmed like we all do and need reassurance and understanding so give them that time. Plus when they do a new skill, say a new word or do something like put their plate away or said thank you, give them praise as this will help them to see what is good behaviour and what is not.

Avoid criticism and blame, as this can really effect a child’s confidence and be frightened of making mistake. They will get things wrong its part of their learning and putting them down will not help them. Build on their strength and weaknesses and remember that they won’t be good at everything, but acknowledging their efforts will help them to build further knowledge and understanding of what they can do and what they need to work on.

 

Visual Communication

Image from: https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwi5v6S1zJblAhUuyoUKHdiFC8sQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Di%26source%3Dimages%26cd%3D%26ved%3D%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.pinterest.com%252Fpin%252F144607838014598972%252F%26psig%3DAOvVaw22N_6PKPGeOdgSGyV8VtOV%26ust%3D1570965422032938&psig=AOvVaw22N_6PKPGeOdgSGyV8VtOV&ust=1570965422032938

Another way to help with effective communication and decision making is by using flash cards, so they can point to the toilet sign for example if they need the loo, or they feel sad or happy.

These are also good for you too to show them that you are happy or sad. A great way to see that when they are good it makes us all happy and when we are bad, it makes us sad.

These are good, which I am going to use more of aswell for showing them what they just did, what they are going to do now and what they will be doing next, because often enough a child wants to focus on one thing, but by doing this, this will help them prepare for each step and will get them to transition from one activity to another or go from one place to another.

 

Listening to our children 

Always listen and don’t interrupt them. Their language may not be clear as of yet but it is important that you listen, because this can lead to a child getting frustrated and have a tantrum, when all they want is to talk to you, even if it is gibberish at first, it’s still language. Repeat back what you think they have said, example “So you want to have this” and show them so they can tell you “Yes” or “No” and if they didn’t get it right first off, teach them word by word of how to say what they want to say instead of cutting them off.

 

Keeping language in simple terms 

When I was a football coach, which now was many moons ago, the amount of times I would witness parents especially, now not being sexist but true, dads, talking to their children in football talk was unbelievable and the child ended up being more confused than they were before.

My advice, avoid this like the plague, as all it does is confuse the hell out of them, especially at the age between 6-7 when all they want to do is play football and that’s it.

You can use simple words like e.g:

“When we pass a ball we kick it like this” and show them

“Always share the ball, like this” and do. If you start hogging the ball doing kick ups showing off, so will they.

 

Kids copy what we do so be aware

This can have good and bad consequences, as they pick up on good behaviour from us and characteristics and reactions, but they can also pick up on our bad habits and behaviours too.

Kids copy and is another way of how they learn, so do be aware of this when carrying out effective communication and when it comes to making choices.

I really hope this has given you some tips and tricks and I please let me know of good effective communication techniques and how you have gotten your kids to make decisions. I would love to hear. You can leave a comment below.

I have come across a couple of good websites and a blog post which is related to my topic of #effectivecommunication and getting kids to make decisions, see below:

• https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/connecting-communicating/communicating/communicating-well-with-children
• https://sexychicbrunette.com/f/stop-being-an-%E2%80%9Cugly-mom%E2%80%9D
• https://www.peacefulparent.com/

 

You can keep up to date with all my blog posts on this site and my others by clicking the “Follow” button below.

The other sites I write blogs on are:

https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

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When times are tough

In the past week I am not going to pretend that parenting my son has been wonderful and hunky dory, I have found parenting quite tough, due to Henry purposely bedwetting, not wanting to go to bed during the night and getting into ours and having constant tantrums and strops.

We have told him he can get into our bed wants he learns to consistently keep the bed dry. This is starting to help with this situation, we think anyway.

 

I felt really down on some days, to the point I felt like there was no way out. I know this is just a phase and I keep reminding myself of this, but at times I do feel like there is no resolution.

When times are tough I do want to hide away and hibernate until it is all resolved. However I know this isn’t the answer.

There is always resolution. I want my son to be able to express himself so I don’t want him to feel he can’t talk to me or tell me he is not happy about something.

Check out this article about children’s communication needs:

https://www.norfolk.gov.uk/children-and-families/send-local-offer/health/health-services-in-norfolk/speech-and-language/childrens-speech-language-and-communication-needs

 

The more open I think children are the more we as parents can help them in situations and so the one thing I do try to avoid is to shut him down completely but advise him that talking in a angry manner isn’t the way, and I try to go through with him what he is not happy about, when it isn’t clear.

Henry has development delay and we also found out during the summer holidays that he has ADHD, and there is a possibility not sure as of yet as it is still being looked into by the doctor at our local hospital, slight Autism aswell.

These are obstacles, because Henry is still learning to communicate, he now gets speech therapy on a Monday at school, to help him because this is one of the areas he is delayed on. His communication and words are getting better but still limited going on his age. Check out my blog I wrote about him on my other site I share with this site:

https://theparentingadventures.wordpress.com/

Going on my son’s behaviour a lot of it is because he can’t get what he wants or he doesn’t want to do something. Example after school the one thing we have set into place is he must do his homework. This after he has had his treat, which is given to him if he has behaved at school and the teacher who looks after Henry on the day will report this to me with feedback of his day and if he has walked nicely to and from school.

Of course like we all do, after a day of being busy learning, playing and being active, we don’t always want to do homework, but of course it has to be done and so we have made it into a routine for him, so he knows before he can continue to play, relax, watch TV or play out in the garden for example he has to do his homework, and boy can he kick off.

Check out my blog about Getting back into a school routine.

Nevertheless I say “Okay, I know your tired, this is what we are going to do, and once we are done you can choose whatever you would like to do afterwards” Within reason of course. This usually works, he may still protest a little, but once he sees that there will be silence in the room until he has completed his homework and from experience it is best to do homework in my book without distractions, he will usually gets it done.

The one thing I have now put into place is a reward system, whereby when Henry has kept the bed dry, behaved at school, walked nicely to school and back, brushed his teeth without fuss and done his homework, we tick this off and he gets rewarded with a sticker, then once the chart is fully completed we count how may ticks he got that week and if he completed all five on any of the days he gets two stickers and then once completed for that week he gets a bigger reward of his choice.

So far it is really helping matters. The one below is from Poundland but you can make your own. When making one why not get them involved.

I do use bribery too, but this is beginning to wear thin. I know many may not agree with bribery but as a parent you do what you gotta do.

I have written a blog a while ago about Dealing with Bad behaviour and this gives more tips and ideas of how to help when your child is misbehaving and advice on Preventing meltdown and tantrums.

I really hope this has in some way has helped you When times are tough and remember you can get through it, and it will pass. Children will continue to grow and so do we as parents. It is a tricky business at times, but then my son will do something that has me in hysterics and reminds me why, even though he does drive me mad at times, why I love him so much.

To help you as a parent gain sanity when times are tough is to take some time out and if you need to spend a few moments in another room, then do so.

Whenever I have problems that can effect my mood, my feelings and emotions the one thing I practice a lot is mindfulness. Check out my website below where I talk about this technique a lot.

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

Another way to go deal when times are tough is to keep a journal. This may sound Cliche, but it really does help reflect on your emotions and gain perspective. It can help identify why your child is behaving in a certain way that is effecting their wellbeing and yours, which can then create bad habits and journalling can help you get to grips with it.

I wrote a blog about The Art Keeping a Journal and why I have always followed this method to help whenever I feel happy or down.

Do a Bullet Journal if it helps and list all the emotions and feelings and the behaviours and issues you are having with your child or children.

Please check out this ladies blog about 3 Unexpected Benefits of Keeping a Bullet Journal

Do what you feel will help you and your child, as only you know your children

Please, if you missed my last blog about Celebrating birthdays, then please go ahead and read this now.

If you would like to be kept up to date with my blogs on this site, then you can do so by following me on WordPress.com. If you do have had tough times then please share or get into contact with me if there is a topic you would like me to write about that I haven’t covered in terms of parenting. You can leave a comment below.

I do have other blog sites see below:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

P.S: I also share my blogs and my world through Pinterest and social media (see below):

 

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Celebrating birthdays

Celebrating birthdays to me is very important as a parent and for your children, as it is marking their birth and how old they are, and the same goes when celebrating family and friends birthdays.

Today it is my birthday and my husband got a card from Henry, and even got Henry to wish me a happy birthday. I will do the same for my husband on his birthday. When it comes to our birthday’s we always make sure Henry (our son) is involved as much as possible.

You don’t have to go over the top just teaching them to acknowledge it really helps them become aware of special dates and to help see that birthdays are fun, and great way to socialise with people and as my son loves cake, he gets to eat some.

Why not have your child make a card for somebody, I like making cards and have often got out my craft items out to get Henry into making cards. He hasn’t really gotten the concept yet, but it is great way for them to be included and making a card can really help add to that personal touch.

This year for Henry’s birthday we are doing a Gym thing, and have invited his school friends, and Henry has been invited to other birthday parties too. It really helps with interaction and helps them get to know their friends even more.

Get your child involved in buying a present, and have them choose items. Again this helps with their decision making or have them make a present.

Here is a video of 22 Easy DIY Gifts Your Parents will adore:

Here are some other great gifts you can make with your kids aswell. See link below:

https://www.activityvillage.co.uk/gifts-kids-can-make

The tradition when we have a family birthday is for the child mainly to open up some of their presents with the people they are spending their birthday with, whether it be a family gathering or a party, and it is a great way for the children to be happy to see the child who’s birthday it is see their presents they bought for them, and for the birthday boy or girl to say thank you to the children who have bought them presents.

When it comes to making the cake again why not get your children involved, not just licking the spoon once the cake is in the oven. Get them to help with the decorating, and have some fun.

So to all the parents, grandparents, Aunties and Uncles and children who are celebrating their birthday too, I wish you have Very Happy Birthday, and Bestwishes.

Please see my previous blog I wrote on this site called Teaching kids about the weather and different seasons. 

You can keep up to date with my blogs on this site by following me on WordPress.com, please click below. I would love to hear how you have been celebrating your birthdays and theirs? What gifts have you made? Do you have any birthday celebrating ideas?

Please leave a comment below. I share this blog with my other site:

https://theparentingadventures.wordpress.com/

I have written a new post on this site about Henry is now in year one. 

You can see my other blogs I write on my website:

https://www.carriesrealworld.com/

Please check out my other WordPress sites too (below):

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com/

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com/

https://sportsandfitnesspassion.wordpress.com/

I wish you a very happy weekend. 

Many thanks for reading, 

 

Carrie X

P.S: I also share my blogs and images on Pinterest and social media pages too (check out these below):

 

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