Parenting Dilemmas: Not Limiting our kids and Supporting theirs and yours wellbeing

It is so important to keep you and your children happy, because they can feel the strain of life too, and your vulnerability and it is okay to feel, but if life is getting you down and finding life too much, then your kids may feel it too and be unsure as to what to do.

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Involve them and just spend some time together on your own, have a chat to explain your feelings, so they can explain theirs. My son won’t always say if he isn’t okay, and say when I ask him “Are you okay?”, he will say “Yes”, and so kids will manage their feelings on their own but there are times when, he will express himself, but it depends on what it is about. He will let me know if he wants to be left alone and will make it clear that he wants space. If he doesn’t want to be photographed he will tell me to leave my phone, so he has my full attention, and I respect that and am teaching the same when I want space, and that we all at some point need space and want then attention.

I wrote in a blog on this site about, being more trustful of my son and letting him do more responsible things, example, when he wants to help tidy up or do the washing up and yesterday wanted to help grandpa. who was fixing one of my sons shoes. There are different stages when it comes to children, when they first born to holding their heads up, then sit up and then walk, as some kids can skip crawling and walk and then run, and they go through making noises to talking and making associations with words and their understanding of life changes and being 45, my points of view are different, to when I was a kid, so they are always evolving and so challenge your children, not in a bad way, but to enhance their development by giving them more responsibility and gaining further independence.

I will hover at times just in case he puts his top the wrong way round, and so to stop this I will do something else to not limit what my son can do for himself, and allow him the space to get his clothes on. When my son goes to the toilet I will let him go on his own indoors and will be letting him go on his own in a cubicles, using public toilets and wait outside, and when we go swimming letting him dry himself off, whilst I get dressed and he will wait for me and unlike he used to run off, will stay and wait and for my own wellbeing, need to stop getting anxious about it.

I think I am still shaken by an incident that happened a few years ago. We visited Putney and I go into Poundland and go to pick up something, my son runs out of the shop, and I try to run after him, but was gone, and thankfully a lady saw that I was distressed and I tell her that my son ran off and so she speaks to a a security guard as there is a big shopping centre, and we go back to the Poundland and he is there, but for that split second I thought he was gone and we were near the River Thames, there are busy roads and many places he could have gone and my heart was in my mouth. I got a feeling I did share this in my blogs on this site, but anyway, it really made me shaken and so probably why I get anxious when we go out, and going to the toilet.

He hasn’t done that since (touch wood, and I do) and so need to get over that, and let him take his time, instead of rushing and when we cross roads I no longer need to hold his hand and will trust him to do it himself. He without being told, when he would use his scooter, know to stop by the edge of he pavement until I caught up with him and will allow him to scooter on and giving him space when in the park and allow him to run around, and have some distance.

There are many Dilemmas when it comes to supporting out kids, and worries, but that is because we care and want the best for our children. Lets work together as parents to help one another. Having a good community can really so lets look after ourselves to look after our kids.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Letting kids figure things out on their own

Kids need to figure things out by themselves when it comes to skills, like going down stairs with supervision, if they need a hand, and want go down them on their own, trying not to be anxious . When it came for my son, as he kept trying he found his own way of getting downstairs, and would slide down on his tummy, until he learned to walk down them.

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He did have a walker and would whiz around the living room and when it came to walking if we noticed him he would sit down, and I swear that he was walking before we noticed, without us looking and the same with speech, which was limited at first but has improved lots. If he is reading and wants to hold the book I do and have him turn the pages, and if they want some time going through the pages of a book on their own, as long as they are safe, leave them to it. Of course if it is a book that is relevant for their age, and learning ability.

My son can be lazy, and still wants me to help him get dressed on some days, but I will put his clothes together, but will let him get on with it, and when he does it for himself, feels proud of himself, so some kids need prompting, but if they do it, give the praise. If your child demands that they want to do it by themselves then my tip, let them it means they want to be responsible and moving to the next step of their development. Check out a podcast by @melrobbins, who created the Let Them Theory, as you can use this method in many different ways:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4z5C8G32AY

I did write another blog about Letting them help with things like, making dinner and wanting to help wash up: If your child wants to help with the chores let them

When it comes to opening wrappers from sweets, if they pull away because they want to figure it out, then again leave them to it, and if you show them where to put it once they have taken off the wrapper, keep reminding them, because they will do this on their own naturally, and on their own.

If they want to put their own clothes and toys away, give them a place to put it and they will follow and make it into a fun game so it gives even more encouragement, and if they put it in the wrong draw then that is fine. Keep showing them where their stuff goes, then again they will follow, and becomes second nature.

If they want to help with gardening. this can be a really good fun task, and when I planted some flowers, my son loved putting in soil into the plant pot and on the flower beds. He helped my mum plant some carrot seeds and was eager to see if they had grown. It didn’t work well as the seed that were planted , appeared to have been taken by wildlife and birds. However, can be a great activity for kids.

The same with if they want to clean your car, or they want to vacuum or wash up. As long as your near by and it is safe to do so, let them do it and when they want to make their own breakfast, or their lunch, say yes, and studies have shown that if they have helped to make their meals, the more they will eat it, if they are fussy about food. Henry will now fill up his cup on his own with milk, and seeing my son develop gives me such comfort, and makes being a mum, well worth it, and thankful that I am a mum and a parent. It is rewarding and mind blowing too.

The more kids get to figure things out for themselves, the more their mind and body will develop and great for kids welfare.

I hope this helps you and just to let you know I have written books on parenting and can be found on amazon, under the names, Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes. I also add content on my Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/thetypicalLondongal/the-parenting-adventures/

I also have three Youtube Channel to:

https://www.youtube.com/@typicallondongal

https://www.youtube.com/@mywayofliving1602

https://www.youtube.com/@carrieseducationyoutubecha4891

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

When kids do amazing things

Well this blog I came up with because being a parent I often wonder how much my son takes in and I watch my actions because Kids can copy and so I stop myself from swearing, being cross and my fear.

Photo at Gravity in Wandsworth

Yet my son amazes me all the time watching him grow from a baby to a child, from being a child to one day being a man. I was going to write on my other blog about fashion (https://carriesversatilefashion.com) but I had to write this blog first, because I often wonder because my son has ADHD and Autism, what he actually learning and yesterday we were off to his Swimming lesson and that he will have a different teacher, his usual teacher couldn’t do the lesson, and for him to listen because like me unfortunately can switch off, and he not being prompted said “Its not always about winning but having fun” and my mum and I were like, “Where did that come from?”. We weren’t saying him to win and wish I could remember the full conversati8on, but just amazed, and made us see that he is taking in a lot more than he allows us to see and at the beginning of the lesson he started do the breast stroke on his own and again didn’t realise he can do that. He did have a term during this year of swimming lessons, but because they have to let other kids have lessons he couldn’t continue the lessons on. He also missed a few classes, due to him being unwell and last week it was my nieces birthday party, so was a few weeks since he last had lessons. At the Ninja Warrior Adventure park, and I did write about this in my last blog, and he beat the wall and climbed and done it four times, when he was very worried about climbing frames. Not sure why, we are still working on that, but seeing him do this is rewarding and with the help from others, something has clicked in.

He can now cross the road on his own when at one time he would run off and once when were looking in a charity shop, he ran out towards the road and it was hard to take him out, because of that.

This is not to say I am wonder mum, and I have it all sussed out because trust me I don’t and has been the help and support of family, Including his dad, other mums/friends, but often I would do it solo and question my parenting skills. I have struggled, there are mums who may have had a different experience, but to help other parents it is important to be honest and I still make mistakes like yesterday I had my jeans on back to front. I took him swimming a few weeks ago and forgot to bring his towel, but thankfully they had paper towels, so I used them. We are human, but he still got dry and has made me make extra effort to remember his towel.

He will correct me when talking and he took a really photo with my phone. I know this isn’t climbing a mountain, but its the little bits for me that is rewarding to me as a parent.

My Niece did a long walk for her DV at her school, my other niece wrote a poem that was published and my youngest niece did a performance as she does Drama Classes, and has sung to me of songs she has created and seeing them bloom like this makes me see that children can do amazing things and I do doubt my son at times. I feel the guilt as I write that, and is an area I need to stop. My son can talk for himself and he can make decisions of his own, and so with the things I have seen from him and other kids I know, makes me see that kids should never be underestimated and I need to get out of the habit of doing so.

I am learning, and I remember a mum I worked with when I did finance, I worked within the finance of an Advertising Company, called Grey Advertising and she fell down the stairs and really hurt herself and it was her daughter who had phoned for an ambulance and she wasn’t an older child but of a young age and it makes my take a step back.

Kids know more than what they let on and can be responsible and can someone in a dangerous situation. I wish they would have an Amazing child week and celebrate the amazing things that kids do. My son if he sees another child cry often want to go over to them to see if they are okay, but can stick up for himself too. So lets celebrate our kids successes and praise ourselves as parents too, as we don’t give ourselves enough credit.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Building our kids lives

Thank you for following me on this blog and so pleased that you like my blogs and I hope they are helping you. There is no manual when it comes to kids, and it can be demanding but enjoyable too. My son has such a personality that I do find it hard to tell him of sometimes because he does make me laugh.

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With Henry he loves to make me laugh and he can get super hyperactive but just loves having fun and can be hard to get him to settle down. He does have ADHD and so it managing his concentration, and he can get over excited, but his laugh is infectious and is such a character.

I want to build his confidence in himself and encourage him to talk about where he has been and what we did and who we met, and it just helps with proper conversation.

I did write a blog a while ago talking about building kids social skills: Kids and Social skills

It is important because I don’t want Henry to feel self conscious about talking to others like I was, and encourage him to be able to have a good chat with someone, whether it be other children and adults.

Then there is playing games and sports. Today we for the first time this year played out in the garden, so tomorrow going to make sure I have better clothes on to play, as I had a jumper dress on and so need to wear something a bit more practical so if I get muddy I don’t care and helps to use up his energy. When a child still has loads of energy I find it is a lot trickier to have quiet time and settle in the evening, so being active in the morning, at school and early evening when it is still light outside can really help with that, and have a good sleep ready for the next day.

At the weekend my son made Lemon Drizzle cake with Grandpa and he had his apron and hat on that I bought him for Easter check out this picture that I posted on my Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq5ZUntNgLI/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

I have written a blog about building kids skills: Spending time with my son and building his skills and if they are interested in what you are doing then show them as one day they will need to (an example) cook for themselves and make their own meals and like cooking it can really help them be healthy and making good choices, when it comes to food.

These things are a way to build their memories . It will help with their conversations at school and talk about what he did and inspire other kids to do the same. Kids can learn a lot from others children so if you can have playdates or join a club of some kind can really help with that. I remember my friend Hayley who would have a tidy bedroom unlike mine and it encouraged me to tidy it up and riding a bike came from learning from the kids I played out with on the housing estate I grew up on.

My son learned from his friend Nell on riding his bike and that is where their social skills improve and the more interaction they have the better.

They also like repetitive learning I call it, where you have a structure that they do each day to develop their habits, and become normality like reading each day at the same time on the same day. Each Sunday when my son is back to school on the Monday do his homework and in the morning, we will also go for a walk each morning on a Sunday except of when he is unwell which happened recently, but then we had cuddle time watching the TV to wind down for the evening and my son still loves a story before bed and make sure in the mornings he and I have breakfast.

By doing these things it helps them to continue these habits on and important teach them to wake up properly in the mornings and be refilled with a good amount of energy. My son has lots so we will travel somewhere and explore. Often when we travel back by train we will sit on the platform to watch the trains before we leave the station and so having fun is important as well as life skills for him to see different things and meet other children.

Getting kids involved with everyday living will help them build their life and experiences. Making the most of each day and be fearless. I hate now that I am scared of heights because there was a time I wasn’t and yes, going on a rollercoaster can be dangerous but it can also be fun too, and would like to go a plane again and go and visit a country abroad and be my sons first trip on a plane so going to save money to do that and go on more train rides, to visit different places in the UK.

So lets see if that happens. If you have any tips or there are topics about parenting you’d like me to write about then please leave a comment below.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Learning and Understanding your kids

Life as a parent comes with learning things you never thought you would, like learning how to get fit whilst looking after your kids. This is playing football and rugby and dancing. It is all about making time for fun with an element of education as it good that Henry learns about taking turns and making their bones stronger.

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I get that Henry doesn’t want to do any homework after having a week of learning all week, so we do little bits so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, and if he does it we then is rewarded by playing some more. It is finding a good balance between doing some time outdoors or if it rains play indoors, and then school work.

Understanding our kids helps with having a better communication and today when Henry came home from school he was upset, so instead of saying “Don’t be silly” which I catch myself saying a lot, we had a cuddle and chatted about what is was upset about, and then we played some rugby, then watched a bit of TV and all was good again. Kids just want reassurance at times that there is a logical reason, and it was that his bestfriend wasn’t in the taxi today and he didn’t kick off or lash out, because we had a good “Mother and son chat”.

Often we can get stuck on situations, like Henry really wants to have his new friend sing Justin’s house theme tune, and he really couldn’t get the grips with why he couldn’t, and makes me understand that he needs to have friend he can have a playdate with, but of course speaking to his friend’s parents, but because Henry travels to school by taxi each day we don’t get to see them and so had to explain to my son that he has his own house, but perhaps write a note to Jason and ask if he’d like to join Henry one day and perhaps we could do something so his friend can help celebrate his birthday that is coming up.

There are ways around things and it is a lot of trial and error.

When it comes to understanding our kids, it can be hard to workout how to solve the issues your children are having and supporting their worries and when we can’t get to grips with what they want it can be frustrating for both parties.

There is away, and that is to sit and have a chat with your kids to work around it and remember they are in the room, and often when talking as parents we forget they are there and so important for them the be involved and “Where there is a will, there is a way”.

I do write books on being a parent on amazon in Kindle and paperback on Amazon, under my names, Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes, so please check them out.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Typical London Gal

Showing kids how to play and parent feuds

So a while back, I think it was about two years ago my son was happily playing in the park and I was on my phone as often that it is a good time to do so. One parent who had about 5 or 6 kids, moaned that my son wouldn’t get off this merry-go-round, and was being rude and didn’t like the fact I was on my phone. All it was she wanted her child to go on there and not my son, because he had not had been on there for long, but she thought that it was well within her rights that her kids had first pickings in the park, but did she?

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No, I then moaned back, I can’t remember what I said but it was that, I was only on my phone for two seconds and at the time it was important things coming through because he was in the process of changing schools, but she didn’t know that and just passed judgement.

Was she in her rights? No, because she obviously thinks that her kids are more important than other kids in the park and, like had a grudge of other kids being in there.

At the end of the day you will have parents who parent differently but got to allow kids to take their turns and I knew what was going, because she knew that was my son, and why should she think she is more important, and it was that my son hadn’t had a long go like the other kids that had used, it.

She had this attitude, whereby she didn’t think it is okay to share and why can’t my son go on the climbing frame along with her kids, as long they are safe, what is the issue? Kids just want to play and that is how they form relationships. But no allowing others kids have a turn is showing that it isn’t right to share.

I know it is right that we should stick up for our kids, but not when you make it unfair to other kids and there shouldn’t be a divide.

I find a apologise often now when my son wants to get on a seesaw and there is a child he doesn’t know on it, but they are okay with it. Its just those who feel that kids should keep a distance in that they shouldn’t play along with other kids they don’t know, but again that is how they form relationships.

Have you had that experience? Let me know in the comments and how did you handle it?

I have written books on parenting on amazon under the names. Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes.

I also do Youtube videos about parenting, check it out: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Typical London Gal