Parenting Dilemmas: Not Limiting our kids and Supporting theirs and yours wellbeing

It is so important to keep you and your children happy, because they can feel the strain of life too, and your vulnerability and it is okay to feel, but if life is getting you down and finding life too much, then your kids may feel it too and be unsure as to what to do.

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Involve them and just spend some time together on your own, have a chat to explain your feelings, so they can explain theirs. My son won’t always say if he isn’t okay, and say when I ask him “Are you okay?”, he will say “Yes”, and so kids will manage their feelings on their own but there are times when, he will express himself, but it depends on what it is about. He will let me know if he wants to be left alone and will make it clear that he wants space. If he doesn’t want to be photographed he will tell me to leave my phone, so he has my full attention, and I respect that and am teaching the same when I want space, and that we all at some point need space and want then attention.

I wrote in a blog on this site about, being more trustful of my son and letting him do more responsible things, example, when he wants to help tidy up or do the washing up and yesterday wanted to help grandpa. who was fixing one of my sons shoes. There are different stages when it comes to children, when they first born to holding their heads up, then sit up and then walk, as some kids can skip crawling and walk and then run, and they go through making noises to talking and making associations with words and their understanding of life changes and being 45, my points of view are different, to when I was a kid, so they are always evolving and so challenge your children, not in a bad way, but to enhance their development by giving them more responsibility and gaining further independence.

I will hover at times just in case he puts his top the wrong way round, and so to stop this I will do something else to not limit what my son can do for himself, and allow him the space to get his clothes on. When my son goes to the toilet I will let him go on his own indoors and will be letting him go on his own in a cubicles, using public toilets and wait outside, and when we go swimming letting him dry himself off, whilst I get dressed and he will wait for me and unlike he used to run off, will stay and wait and for my own wellbeing, need to stop getting anxious about it.

I think I am still shaken by an incident that happened a few years ago. We visited Putney and I go into Poundland and go to pick up something, my son runs out of the shop, and I try to run after him, but was gone, and thankfully a lady saw that I was distressed and I tell her that my son ran off and so she speaks to a a security guard as there is a big shopping centre, and we go back to the Poundland and he is there, but for that split second I thought he was gone and we were near the River Thames, there are busy roads and many places he could have gone and my heart was in my mouth. I got a feeling I did share this in my blogs on this site, but anyway, it really made me shaken and so probably why I get anxious when we go out, and going to the toilet.

He hasn’t done that since (touch wood, and I do) and so need to get over that, and let him take his time, instead of rushing and when we cross roads I no longer need to hold his hand and will trust him to do it himself. He without being told, when he would use his scooter, know to stop by the edge of he pavement until I caught up with him and will allow him to scooter on and giving him space when in the park and allow him to run around, and have some distance.

There are many Dilemmas when it comes to supporting out kids, and worries, but that is because we care and want the best for our children. Lets work together as parents to help one another. Having a good community can really so lets look after ourselves to look after our kids.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Setting rules for our kids to be respectful of things and others

So this weekend we went to visit some friends who live in the South Coast of England and Henry was playing on a bouncy castle near the seaside and was putting his arm around another child’s, a small child’s, neck. We took him off and apologised to the little child’s parents and it is only right. If someone had done that to Henry I would have expected the same.

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When it comes to kids you do need to set rules and boundaries. I don’t want my son to be seen as rude or unkind. I want Henry to be respectful to others for his own good so he is not avoided or isolated.

It is my responsibility to ensure that he says please and thank you and give to others and be loving.

Today my son is at a holiday club and so never avoid social interaction as it can work miracles because it helps them to build good relationships and will learn how to talk and treat others, and is monitored. Has a small child he would pinch or bite, and a saw another child when we went to softplay and out of the blue this young child went to bite him, and push another child over, and her mum told her off and apologise.

Kids will misbehave and lash out, so it has to be stopped and making sure that they stop to help them be better around other children.

When we go swimming I make sure he gives space to small babies and children when he jumps in and if he has a runny nose take him out to clear it and become responsible by making sure he looks after his stuff and not chuck it on the floor and take care of his personal hygiene.

He will if he has finished eating, take his plate or bowl to to the sink and when he is tall enough have him do the washing up sometimes, and he will help put items away once washed. I want Henry to be respectful of his home and equipment and put things out of the way for safety to help his development and understanding, in that he is responsible for his actions and stuff and most of the time he is well behaved and a lady I spoke to when waiting for a bus at the bus stop, who recognised him from being on the bus before, said “He was very well behaved” and that makes me feel good and the rules we have set him and boundaries are working in terms of being respectful to others.

At the moment I have been teaching Henry that he doesn’t always have his way, as he will be fussy and moan, and this can be so frustrating. So it is we don’t go on the trains, as he loves them and watching them, because I explain to him that it takes time to get out of the door some days because he won’t get dressed when I have told him too and that nothing is going to make him happy and spoils the fun.

Everyone gets a choice not just him and if he respects that then we can go out and have fun, not be a constant battle of who should be in charge, and it can effect everyone when a child play’s up because it effects the mood and the environment.

Noone is perfect but the more we tune into our children’s about respect and of boundaries then the more they will be respectful and teach their children if they decide to have children, themselves, to be the same.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X